Bittersweet Holiday

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday this week. I was off from work for a few days so its tough getting back to my routine. These few days off sure did go by fast! UGH! Oh well.

Christmas for me was bittersweet. It was busy in that I cooked the entire meal and hosted my family over at my house. For all of you that have hosted parties or gatherings you know what an undertaking that really is. Anyway, the meal came out really good. I was pleased about that. Everyone seemed to have had a really good time.

The holiday would have been perfect except The Analyst and I got into a huge fight. We have been fighting on and off for the last two weeks. It really sucks. I think we are pretty much over. How much does that suck to break up with your boyfriend on Christmas? That really blows.

It’s really hard this time because I really believed things would be different this go around. I believed he really wanted this relationship but we are not meant to be I don’t think. He is just too bitchy and whiny for me. All I get from him is bitching. He is truly worst then a woman.

We’ll see how this whole thing pans out. I want him out of my house because it is too painful to have to deal with him everyday. His attitude about things just tends to piss me off and I am constantly floating from anger to sadness to frustration to hopeful. He is confusing me by trying to be playful with me and still wanting to spend New Years together. How can I begin to put him behind me if he keeps doing this?

I wish I had never let him back into my life. I feel really foolish for believing in him again.

To top things off The Manager started texting me yesterday with a happy holiday wish. We talked on the phone for a little while and he claims he was going through a lot which caused him to disappear. He talked about how he missed me, yada, yada, yada. I am not sure of his real motive here. Why contact me now?

Men are the most irritating, frustrating creatures on this earth!!!

Oh Yeah Baby!!!

If I was a guy I'd have a hard on right now!!! I CAN"T WAIT!!!

Decisions

Have you ever made a decision only to question it later? I am really beginning to wonder if I made the right decision about something. I think I made a mistake.

I can't really discuss this with friends because they will form their own thoughts and opinions and nothing will change that and if everything works out it will make for a very uncomfortable situation.

I know I am being vague but I'm not really ready to disclose the details as yet. In time.

Suffice to say that I think I will need to make yet another hard decision and soon. Oh man what am I going to do.

I think I need to get out of this situation because it's not working for me. I don't think it ever will and that saddens me on several levels.

Oh well...I have some soul searching to do.

A Clean Slate

I’ve blogged about wanting to move from Baltimore and start fresh somewhere else. I’ve been debating between Atlanta and the Los Angeles area. Well after reviewing the price of apartments on apartments.com I think my decision has been made for me.

Have these people in California lost their damn minds?! I mean really. Paying $2500 to $4000 per month for a 2 bedroom apartment. Get real.

Atlanta is much more reasonable.

So there you have it. Atlanta here I come. I wish I could make this move immediately but I just can’t do that. I could not abandon my mother. So, for that reason I am pretty much stuck here in Baltimore.

Oh well. Trust me when I say this, as soon as it is feasibly possible, I am so out of Maryland it will make your head spin.

Have you ever felt like you just want to drop everything and make a fresh start somewhere else? The thought of a clean slate is so intoxicating.

For some reason this desire is all consuming. I know in my heart of hearts that my time in Baltimore is limited and that is beyond exciting.

Learn Grammar and Spell Check

I, like many of you, read a lot of blogs on any given day. I prefer to read more personal and humorous blogs as oppose to blogs that are more sports or political in nature. It’s just my flavor. As I peruse these blogs I will stumble on a new blog for the first time and I am awe struck at the number of post authors that have absolutely no idea what grammar is. I mean you are reading along and all of a sudden BAM! You are stopped by a word form that you KNOW should not be there. (Ex: “She said we was going too.”) You furrow your brow, scratch your head and ask yourself, “What the hell were you trying to say?” LOL Then I get mad because you have now stopped my flow of reading and I have to regain momentum after I figured out what in the world you were trying to say. LOL

I often find myself correcting this grammar as I read. I substitute the correct word form or misspellings. I can’t help myself. I can’t stand seeing poor grammar and missing or misspelled words. It’s crazy.

Do you find yourself correcting grammar and spelling as you read along? I just think a little proofreading would go along way. I’m just saying.

I want a new family

You know what? I wish the hell I could swap my family in for another one. I am dead serious. Sometimes I really can't stand my family.

My mother is disabled so we have a cleaning service come to clean her house. Mind you, my 34 year old baby brother lives there with his two daughters (9 and 14) and neither of the three of them can keep the house clean. That shit in itself pisses me off but I digress.

We just hired a new service as the previous one was a peice of shit. The new service is really good. They called and gave me a run down on everything they did. It was great.

Well, come to find out, they noticed there was mold on all of the baseboards and my mothers bedroom window was black with mold. That freaked me out because we all know how dangerous and a pain in the ass mold is. Left untreated it will cost THOUSANDS to remove.

I tell my brother to go to the store and get some mold killer and spray around all of the baseboards and moms window. This bastard tells me he'll get to it when he has time and if I am so concerned I need to come out to the house and do the mold removal myself. Bitch YOU live there not me. I told him that then hung up. He so pissed me off. When you moved back into the house to suposedly help mom, that came with responsibility.

I am so ready to just be done with all this and move far...far away from all of their asses.

I Saw Santa

Growing up as a child my siblings and I always believed in Santa Claus. It was a wondrous, joyous time. It was fun looking for signs of Santa everywhere I looked. It was fun trying to rush to sleep even though I wasn’t even close to sleepy just so that I can wake up and have my gifts under the tree because Santa does not visit little girls that are awake.

Obviously there came a time when we realized there was no Santa. Guess what? We survived.

With all this said, I realized that there are many parents that don’t want to thrust that false image onto their child.

My answer to that….You are doing your child a serious disservice. You are taking away the wonderment of the season. We are only children for such a short period of time. We have our whole entire life to understand the cruel, harshness that is the world but why introduce that to children so early.

What is the harm in letting them have that excitement of Santa bringing them toys.

I had a conversation with one “friend” and she said that she didn’t want her children to think some strange man is just going to come in to their house and leave gifts. She wanted them to know that mommy and daddy worked hard for those toys. My thing is, kids will learn soon enough that parents are the ones really purchasing those things. Why take away the magic of the season. I think that is actually a very selfish way to think.

My fondest memories growing up were of wondering what Santa was going to bring me and leaving him Cookies and milk and rushing to sleep just so I could hurry and wake up to find my toys.

And people wonder what is wrong with our kids today. We are not letting them be kids.

There is nothing you could ever say to convince me that taking the belief of Santa away from a child is not a selfish thing to do.

I’m not trying to step on anyone’s toes here but I just feel kids should enjoy everything there is to being a kid while they are kids for the short period of time they are.

If you don't believe how magical this is for a child, my blog buddy Persona Of A Princess writes about the exact same thing!

My Embarrasing Weekend

I hope you all had a great weekend. I had several things on my agenda for this weekend but unfortunately I was not able to finish everything. My weekend started out really nice.

I attended a surprise birthday party of Friday which was really nice. I danced my behind off! It was great. I saw a couple of people I didn't expect to see and that was cool.

Saturday I went to the hairdresser. I was STARVING when I got out of there. I don't know why you have to spend all freaking morning in the darn hair salon. Oh well.... I decided to stop off at one of my favorite quick little spots, Noo.dles & Com.pany. I usually get the Penne Rosa which is divine but I decided to try something new and ordered the Japanese Pan Noodles. I got home and began to eat. It was all good for about 30 minutes when I started to feel a rumbling in my stomach. I just dismissed this as I thought maybe it was a result of my wolfing this food down as if I hadn't had a meal in a year, This "rumbling" continued for the next couple hours. Then the rumbling turned to cramps.

I was practically doubled over. What made this matter worse was that I had to get dressed and attend a holiday party with The Analyst for his job. I managed to get dressed and we made it to the party and all was fine except I continued to feel nauseous the entire evening. I couldn't decide if I had to do a number 2 or if this would be resolved by coming out the over end. I kept going back and forth to the rest room to no avail.

I felt pretty bad for The Analyst as I wasn't my usual jovial, social self since I wasn't feeling up to par. As I was sitting there this overwhelming sensation came over my mouth and I knew what that meant so I ran to the rest room then all of a sudden "BAM" I found relief. Just as this was occurring The Analyst, alarmed that I was gone for so long, sent someone in to check on me. In between heaves I assured her I was OK.

I finally got myself together and was fine the rest of the evening.

How embarrassing to get sick at your boyfriends holiday party.

I was almost Mrs. Prince

Do you remember the first concert you ever attended? The very first one? I sure do, it was way back when…I was in the 11th grade I think, it was me, two of my girlfriends and Prince, The Time and Vanity Six!!!

Yes folks I saw Prince, The Time and Vanity Six live in living color baby!!!! LOL In all honesty it was a fun time. There was a girl in the section next to me that I thought was going to have a heart attack. The poor thing just jumped up and down and screamed and cried. I thought she was going to bust a gasket. LOL

I, on the other hand, was convinced that Prince would spot me waaayyyy up in the balcony and bring me on stage to profess his undying love for me. Shut up it could have happened!!!!

Now that I look back on it, what as the lure of Vanity Six? It had to be Vanity’s beauty because they could not sing a lick nor could they perform. All they did was sway and gyrate on the stage.

Prince and Morris, however, knocked them dead!

There were several men dressed as Prince or Morris….I wonder if they look back at that and cringe from embarrassment! I mean really…..LOL

What was your first concert?

I am really judgmental

For the most part I consider myself a free spirit, non judgmental. I subscribe to the credo “Live and Let Live”. However you live your life is completely up to you with no judgment from me. If you want to sleep around I usually wouldn’t call you a whore. If you where a man and drove an old beat up pick up truck I wouldn’t necessarily consider you a hillbilly redneck.

I, however, have friends that I consider extremely judgmental where others are concerned. They judge their clothes (i.e. “She dresses like a hoochie.”) and lifestyle (i.e. “Why is she sleeping around like that?”) (i.e. “Why would you live with him before marriage?”) and everything else. I actually find it particularly annoying as I feel I can not be my true self around them because I KNOW they would not understand certain aspects of my life and philosophy.

With that said I have recently come to the realization that as accepting as I am I can be a little judgmental myself. As much as I try not to be I find that I do judge sometimes. I wonder if it’s because that’s just my personality or is it that those people sort of “cross the line” of decency? I’m not sure.

I further began to question whether anyone could be truly COMPLETELY free of judgment.

Think about it….I go to the grocery store and see a woman with a pair of daisy duke shorts on with a halter top. I immediately began to judge this woman as loose or classless? I see a man with horn rimmed glasses with his hair slicked back with a pocket protector in his right pocket that is full of pens and high water pants…. I immediately judge him to be a nerd by societal standards?

I try not to judge people but can anyone really be completely non-judgmental? I supposed I am just as judgmental as the next one.

Diva's Top 10 Sexiest Women Alive

Ok, In an effort to be fair, I felt it necessary to compile a Top 10 Sexiest WOMEN Alive list. Altough there are thousands of sexy men and women I had to narrow the field to just 10. Some of these women are very well known while some not as recognizable but no less sexy. I hope you enjoy.

#10

Janelle Piezina from Big Brother #6.

#9

Lauren London.

This 23 year old beauty appeared in such movies as ATL, and This Season. She will also appear in the upcoming 2008 release of Next Day Air. She also made an appearance on an episode of Entourage.

#8

Eva Longoria

#7

Kerry Washington

This beautiful actress has been around for quite some time. She's had roles is such moves as Ray, Fantastic 4, Last King Of Scotland and I Think I love My Wife. She's also made her way on the small screen in such shows as Boston Legal.

#6

Jessica Simpson

#5

Ciara.

This gorgeous woman is no stranger to the music seen with several number #1 hits and sultry dance moves she will definitely be around for many years to come.

#4

Jessica Alba

#3

Alessandra Ambrosio

This gorgeous, sexy Victoria Secret model was a no brainer for this list.

#2

Halle Berry

AND THE SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE!!!!

Number #1

BEYONCE!

Looks Like You Are Having A Bad Day

I was driving up the street adjacent to my job on the way back from a lunch outing. As I passed a bank located on my left side I saw a woman flanked by two official looking men.

Nothing unusual about that except she was handcuffed and they had her by the arms escorting her to a car in the parking lot.

Something tells me she is having a bad day. It’s gonna really suck for her when she makes that call to her husband, "Uh Honey...I think I'll be a little late for dinner tonight."

DOH!

I wonder what she did. Hmmmmmmmm….

The Diva's Top 10 Sexiest Men Alive

I figured since People magazine can decide all willy nilly who THEY think should be on their sexiest men alive list I thought I'd come up with my own list of scrumptious men. Most of these men are of course very well known but a couple may not be as recognizable but they are no less sexy.

So without further ado here is my top 10 sexiest men alive:

Number #10
George Clooney

Number #9
Mark Wahlberg Number #8
Dr. Robert Rey

He is the oh so fine doctor on Style Network's Dr. 90210. Ohhh la la!

Number #7
Tom Brady

(born August 3, 1977 in San Mateo, California) is an American football quarterback for the New England Patriots of the National Football League. After playing college football at Michigan, Brady was drafted by the Patriots in the sixth round of the 2000 NFL Draft.

Number #6

Will Smith

Number #5

Lamman Rucker

He is a sexy Libra born on October 6th. He's made several appearances on TV shows and movies. He appeared on All My Children, As The World Turns, All of Us, Half and Half and Why Did I get Married.

Number #4

Rick Fox

This oh so sexy ex NBA player turned actor was a must for my list.

Number #3

Shemar Moore

This ex model turned actor is my future ex husband.

Number #2

Kaysar Ridha

All of you Big Brother fans should know this scrumptious hunk very well. He's making his way into the acting arena so you will be seeing a lot more of him.

AND THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!!!!!

Number #1

David Beckham

I am so waiting for him to divorce Posh. Then he's ALL MINE! She doesn't deserve him.

For the men, later this week we will be profiling the 10 Sexiest Women Alive. Stay tuned.

Sprint Can Kiss My Ass!

I was looking at my cell phone thinking how bored I am with it and that I'd like a new one. I get on Sprints website because I'm too lazy to get in my car and drive my happy ass to the store. As I'm perusing the site. I see a couple phones that I actully think are ok.

I begin to wonder if I was eligible for a discount on the upgraded phone. I call the customer service number and once all the preliminary crap gets out of the way I find out I can receive $150 off the purchase of my next phone!!! YIPPEEE!!! But then it dawns on me.......'what's the catch?' so I ask the woman on the phone if I am required to sign ANOTHER 2 year contract. She informs me that in order to get that $150 off I need to sign a contract for 2 years.

Sprint can kiss my ass! There is no way I'm signing another contract and be a slave to them for two more freakin years. They had me locked in for the last 6 years...they can just forget it!

I'll just pay the full price of the phone.

Bastards!

Why Now

I'm sitting home last night, watching TV, chilling out with The Analyst when all of a sudden my cell phone goes off indicating a text message. I walk over, flip the cover over and see, much to my surprise, that the text was from The Manager. THE MANAGER!!! I hadn't heard from him since September when he fell off the face of the earth. The text message simply said:

"hey u"

As if he had been talking to me all along. I just replied, "Hi stranger." He gives me the tired old bullshit about me disappearing on him and how he left two messages and all that crap when he knows I called him and left the last message. Anyway, I'm not sure what he wants after all this time. I told him to call me so that I can hear what it is he has to say for himelf.

It's all really mute at this point since I'm with The Analyst now and nothing is going to change that. Hmmmmm.....Men!!!

Blowing off Thanksgiving

I admire people that have large families. Especially if they are a very close knit family. My immediate family is rather small, just myself, my two brothers and my mother plus a few nieces and couple of nephews. That’s it. My father died many years ago unfortunately. I do have a couple aunts and uncles and several cousins all spread out from New Jersey all the way to Alabama. I am not really close with any of them actually. We all never call each other on the phone. We never visit each other.

I was reading someone’s blog the other day and she was lamenting on how she was going to be lonely this holiday season and how she wishes she had family to spend it with. Her mother lives in another state and she only has a son. It’s just the three of them.

It got me to thinking. I have family that I really couldn’t care less seeing but how would I feel if I didn’t have them. How would that make me feel to really be alone? I plan to just spend a quite Thanksgiving with The Analyst and that’s it. My one brother has to work and the other one will be alone because his wife is going to be with her family this holiday and he doesn’t get along with them. He has a major attitude problem but that is another blog post in itself.

I told him that I may go out of town with The Analyst to visit his family which is a lie because he doesn’t really like his family. So it will probably just be my brother and my mother. Maybe I’ll call him and say my plans changed and suggest we all just go to dinner at a restaurant. That I can handle. I’m just not in the mood for all the hoopla this year. I’ll make up for it on Christmas but Thanksgiving….I just want peace and quiet.

Am I wrong for not wanting to cook and clean and host people at my house for Thanksgiving?

YIPPEEEE Florida!

Hey all. I just got back from a business trip to Pensacola, FL. It was alright. Sort of boring but it's fine.

I returned on Thursday to find my stove had given up on me. The ungrateful bastard! All the meals I've cooked on that damn thing. All the baking and cleaning and love I gave that thing and it just gives out on me like that. Stupid ingrate. That's ok....I'm going to find a better one to replace him. One that will appreciate me and not leave me in a lurch when I have 40 hungry ass baby shower attendees to cook for. One that will give me years and years of faithful cooking and baking pleasure and not leave me at the slightest hint of irregularity.

I heard that GE and Whirlpool were pretty good catches. Strong, dependable and faithful.

Oh yeah..... he will miss me once he's in the scrap yard. I will go shopping for my new love on tomorrow.

Wish us luck!

Your First Time

I was having a conversation with a friend the other night and it sparked this blog post. We were discussing whether or not a person will really and truly always remember their first time. You know...their first sexual partner.

When years and years and years go by, do you still remember who the first person was that took your cherry? LOL

I, for one, do remember my very first.

I was 18 years old. Out of high school (yes, I was a virgin all during high school). I was hanging out at the Inner harbor in Baltimore. For all of you that do not know, The Inner Harbor is the premier tourist spot and overall great place to hang out. Anyway, a bunch of us were hanging out when we spotted a large group of guys. We all were out to have a good time so we all hooked up and just acted like complete fools that night at the harbor. Hey, that's what young teenagers do. LOL

Well, one in particular caught my eye and I his. We will call him "Prince" (He loved Prince!) Anyway, he and I began dating and having a really good time. He was my first real boyfriend as I was a leper in high school and no boy would come within 5 feet of me.

One one cold, snowy night in February Prince asked me to come visit him as he wanted to see me and I really wanted to see him as well. I was volunteering at the local hospital and once my shift was over I met Prince at the mall and we took the bus to his house.

Now, before I go any further, my mother had already instructed me to come straight home after work as it was nasty outside and she didn't want me out in that dangerous weather. Of course I completely ignored that and continued on with my plans with my Mr. Wonderful.

So, after we sit around watching TV, in his basement, he made his move. I was more curious then turned on and decided to see what all the fuss was about sex.

Right in the middle of this life altering deed, the basement door creeks open and Prince's mother yells down from the top of the stairs,"Prince, Telephone."

He looks at me then climbs off and runs upstairs to see who it could be plus not arousing suspicion with his mother. After about 2.5 seconds he comes back downstairs and says, "That's your mother on the phone."

"My what! Are you serious?"

"Yep."

So I run upstairs to see what my mother wanted and she just blasted me for not coming home and instructed me to stay where the hell I was as she was on her way to pick me up.

Needless to say that completed my induction into womanhood.

I must say, the first time is never what it's cracked up to be.

What was your first time like?

Maybe I'm Wrong In This

I might be wrong in feeling this way but this chick really worked my nerves on Saturday. Ok, let me give you a little background.

My best friend "Stubburn" recently had a baby. The baby was several weeks premature and is still in the NICU as I type this. She had a little boy and the doctor said he will be ready to come home close to Thanksgiving. Her mother, another close friend of hers named AJ and I are throwing her a babyshower this coming Saturday.

The three of us got together to this past Saturday to pruchase items needed for the shower (favors, banners, crep paper, game prizes, etc.). I feel I need to mention that we planned this little outting two weeks prior. On our first stop we all arrive at the check out and get rung up. The cashier upon completion states, "79.45." "Mom" and I reach for our money and I kept watching for AJ to reach for her money as well as this is a joint effort. I kept watching, and watching, and watching. This chick never parted her wallet let alone her lips to give a reason for her not contributing.

Ok......fine. We get to the second place. I am thinking to myself that this chick better come off some money at this next stop or else we are going to have problems.

We all get to the checkout. I pay for my portion and mom pays for hers but again, AJ didn't come off any money. Ok, I'm starting to get pissed. How are you going to co-host a babyshower and not share in the cost? This shit is not free.

I kept my mouth closed but I was tempted to say something. I'm not even finished either. I still need to purchase the food I am going to cook as well as the balloons for the venue (and we will need about 36 of those fuckers), envelopes for the thank you cards and a couple more game prizes.

I should call her behind and tell her to pick them up!

Are you celebrating Halloween?

Ok, so I went to the grocery store on Halloween. I needed to pick up a few things. There were several cashiers in costume. Cute. No problem.

I go to a line and as I get to the cashier I ask,” So what are you supposed to be today?”

She looked at me with a furrowed brow and scrunched face, “What do you mean?”

“Aren’t you dressed in costume for Halloween?” I ask.

She looked at me and said, “No! I’m not in no costume!!!”

All I could do was say, “Opps. I’m sorry.” Grab my bags and walked out.

You just never know these days.

The Longest Ride Ever

Ok, As you all know I live in Baltimore MD (well a suburb northwest of the city actually). Tomorrow I need to visit a client site for their health benefits fair. My boss and I are going. The benefits fair is in Vienna VA. VIENNA VA!! That's 2 hours away.

My boss offered to pick me up so that we can ride together. I like my boss. I really do. But what the hell are we going to talk about in the car....just the two of us.......for 2 freaking hours!!!??

I mean honestly. I see the conversation going something like this....."It's a beautiful day isn't it?" "Yes it is but we do need rain." "Yes we do but I hate rainy days." "Yeah...I see what you mean." "Yeah... a drag." "Yeah...." That can only carry you for so far.

After that.... **SILENCE**

What the hell am I supposed to do tomorrow? HELP!!!!

I've Been Tagged!!

I've been tagged by Soumynona over at This Lil' write of mine

The rules of the game are:

A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

**You get it?? --- You got it?? --- [GOOD] --- So here goes:**

1. I don’t know all the words to ANY song except two: The Fight Song from my junior high school and The Greatest Love of All (we sung that at our Junior High graduation) Hmmm… see a pattern there?

2. I get repulsed and pissed off when someone spits on the ground. ESPECIALLY right in front of me! YUCK!

3. I am trying really hard to find job/business where I can work from home and earn big cash.

4. I am completely different from all of my friends. I have no idea why they are my friends to tell you the truth.

5. I get bored really easily.

6. I am spoiled.

7. Most of my dreams actually come true.

I am tagging Lisa-40’s Singleness, Vi vi Voom, Emancipation of a Drama Queen, DC Speaks, Poker Girl

Would I be missed?

I was reading a fellow bloggers sad, pathetic, melancholy post today and it made me rather sad, pathetic and melancholy.

His post was questioning whether anyone would miss him if he died. It got me to thinking. Hell, people tell me I'm a joy to be around, (shut up!) fun and all that crap but we are not really close at all. I wouldn't call those people friends. It's pretty hard for me to allow people close enough to me to have a deep, meanful relationship.

So with that said, if I were to suddenly die, would anyone really miss me? Would people come to my funeral? I have always imagined my funeral being really dismal with like no one in attendance. Sure, my brothers and nieces and nephews would attend. Maybe my boss (out of a sense of obligation) and a very few of my friends. Other then that, the church would be empty. That's a pretty sad scenrio. I mean...who would honestly know I was gone let alone come to my funeral.

Would my brothers have enough wherewithall to grab my cell phone and call my friends and collegues to tell them what happened? Some how I don't see them doing that. They are not the most detailed, forward thinking of individuals.

Hmmmm....Am I the only other person that wonders these kinds of things from time to time?

An Open Letter to My Fathers Daughter

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to primarily get this off my chest. There are some thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head that I think need addressing. It’s funny the impact a TV show could have on a person but I am writing this prompted by a television show I watched last week.

As I sat and watched one of my favorite shows currently on, Grey’s Anatomy, I realized Meredith and her half sister have something in common with you and me. It was then, watching that show I began to realize some of the feelings you were having and I feel I may have been a little insensitive to those feelings and for that I apologize but let’s make no mistake; I do not and will not be made to feel guilty because of the way I grew up.

I know, our lives couldn’t be any different or further apart if we lived on separate continents but that is not my fault.

It’s not my fault that our father chose to leave your mother when you were a little girl.

It’s not my fault that our father met and fell in love with my mother.

It’s not my fault that our father married my mother when he had never married yours.

It is not my fault that there was so much tension and drama back then between all parties involved that my mother and our father chose to flee the state of New Jersey and move thousands of miles away for a little peace.

I’m not saying that was right. Quite frankly, I think all parties involved handled the situation abhorrently. But again, that is not my fault.

It’s not my fault that our father was there with me, for me, everyday of my life until his death.

It’s not my fault that our father stayed absent from your life from the age of 7 until you were 19.

With all that said, I could not understand why every attempt to reach out to you was met with civility but no true warmth or mutual desire from you.

I did not understand that, until I saw Grey’s Anatomy. Please do not hold what happened or did not happen in the past against me as I had nothing to do with the choices our parents made when we were children.

It's not my fault.

Signed
Diva, An Understanding Sister

Are You an Energy Vampire?

I borrowed this post from a fellow blogger.

On the Star Trek series “Star Trek Next Generation” one of the characters, Counselor Deanna Troi was an empath. Not only could she read peoples minds, she could also feel their physical and emotional pain as well, not to mention feel their joy.

I think many of us today are like that too, I know I am. I suffer from being to empathic at times. Someone comes to me with a sob story and I immediately empathize with them to the point I begin to feel as bad as they do.

And conversely some person starts telling you how much money they have, or how smart their kids are, or how nice their new car is, or about their new house, new shoes or whatever. You can’t get a word in, they just take over the conversation and not really listening to you. It’s not that you don’t care, but the truth is you have other more pressing matters on your mind. You just are listening just to be nice, but they draw the energy out of you. Didn’t realize until the other day that there is a name for folks like that, they are called “Energy Vampires.” I am sure we all know one or two people that fit into this category.

Of course there are people you can’t wait to be around, their spirit and energy revitalizes you, and if you are down they have a way of lifting you up. But unfortunately those people are more susceptible to having their energy drained by the Energy Vampires.

“The sob sister, for one, always considers herself the victim. The world is always against her, and she'll recount every horrible thing that has happened to her, wallowing in every perceived slight. The charmer is a constant talker or joke-teller who has to be the center of attention. The blamer, on the other hand, doles out endless servings of guilt. And then there's the drama queen, the co-worker who claims she almost died from a high fever or the neighbor who lives in extremes of emotion—life is unbelievably good or horrifically bad.” Dr. Judith Orloff.

Being a empath goes against everything we believe in to not be sympathetic to these people, but they are literally draining us of our life force. But I am learning to back away. I am learning to protect myself from people like this. You can be compassionate without feeling saddled with their problems.

I am learning to be aware of which individuals deplete my energy and I am trying to limit my contact with them. I am learning to say, “This is what I can do for you, and this is what I can't.” They are drowning in their sorrow and if I am not careful they will pull me down with them.

“A suggestion is you step back and think about what type of people aggravate you, because I believe that one law of energy is that we attract what we haven't yet worked out in ourselves. If I'm a very angry person, I'll find myself surrounded by angry people. By paying attention to the people who seem so draining, you might discover something you need to address. It has been my experience that once you've worked through a particular issue, you're no longer worn out by that kind of energy vampire. And the vampires, robbed of a source, move on to more easily drainable audiences.” Dr. Judith Orloff.

How do you know if you're an empath? What are the signs?

Quiz: Are You an Intuitive Empath? Ask yourself:
• Have I ever sat next to someone at a dinner who seems pleasant, but suddenly I’m nauseous, have a head-ache, or feel drained?
• Am I uncomfortable in crowds, even go out of my way to avoid them?
• Do I get easily over-stimulated by people or prefer being alone?
• When someone is in pain, do I start feeling it too?
• Do I overeat around people I’m uncomfortable with?

If you’ve answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, it’s likely you have experienced intuitive empathy. Responding “yes” to every question indicates empathy is draining your energy.

Tips for Keeping Your Positive Energy High
1. In crowds or stressful situations take a few deep breaths to exhale negative energy from your body.
2. Visualize a protective shield of light around you, allowing positive energy in, but keeping the negative energy out.
3. Meditate daily to center yourself, visualize roots going through you and planting firmly in the ground.
4. Take daily baths or showers to wash off negative vibes.
5. Burn sage in a room to purify left over negative vibes.
6. Eliminate energy vampires (people who sap you)

My Life

My dating life has taken a rather interesting turn as of late.

You all know about Mr. Construction, The Manager and The Analyst. Well, The Manager is completely out of the picture now. I haven’t spoken to him in over a month now. It’s fine with me because as I’ve mentioned here before, I had concerns that he wasn’t really ready for a relationship anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I miss him a great deal because I liked him but I kept my heart on reserve to spare the pain of what was the inevitable so I’m just dandy. Miss him but I am just dandy. It was for the best.

Mr. Construction is also out of the picture. I also mentioned how he had certain habits that just irritated the crap out of me. I was willing to TRY and work through those bad habits but this weekend was the last straw. He stayed the night over on Friday night. We went to the movies, had dinner. All in all a pretty good night. The next morning we had to awake pretty early as the cable guy was scheduled to come between 7:00 and 9:00am. (I could not get the Oxygen channel on two of the three TV’s in my house. That so had to be corrected immediately.) Anyway, Mr. Construction replaces a light fixture on my porch while the cable guy does whatever cable guys do to fix stuff by running from my house to his truck then back to my house then back to his truck then back to my house and so forth. Mr. Construction finishes the light fixture soon after and walks into the house and announces that he was leaving. I asked him to at least stay until the cable guy was done just in case we need to help him move the large (and heavy) book cases and TV that were in front of one of the cable outlets. He tells me no, he has to go and then leaves. I just told him to go then and shut the door behind him. I was fuming. The cable guy would have been finished pretty soon. He could have stuck around for another half hour to help me out. I was furious. He called later that morning to see if in fact he would have been needed. I told him no we managed without him and he was gracious enough to tell me “I told you.” Great guy here. I hang up the phone with the resolution in my soul that I was done with him. I went to lunch with my best friend later that afternoon. Mr. Construction called during that lunch but I never heard the phone so I didn’t answer the call. Not that I would have anyway. Today is Wednesday and I have not called him nor have I heard from him since. Shows the strength of that relationship huh? LOL Oh well.

Then there is The Analyst. We broke up but still keep in touch very regularly. He was the one that took such good care of me when I had my recent surgery. He was a Godsend. Well he tells me this weekend that he wants to try and renew our previous relationship. Now when I heard these words from him I immediately teared up because I prayed for so long to hear those words come from him and there they were. Of all the men I’ve dated recently, none of them compared to The Analyst. None of them had the compassion, the caring, the polish that he has. There has always been a wonderful sense of warmth, comfort and completeness that I experience with The Analyst that I hadn’t with any other. I am also very scared as I do not want to get hurt again. We talked about my fears and concerns. He put them all to rest and I am really glad that we decided to slowly give this thing another chance. We’ll see how this thing goes but I am very hopeful at this time.

The Continuation Part 3...

With all the drama going on around my once peaceful abode I found it necessary to vacate those premises. It was extremely difficult to see those two so to keep my sanity and remain out of jail I moved.

Before I moved, however, I did realize that dumbass was receiving extra pay for being married that should have come home to his wife. So as you can imagine, I found it necessary to contact his commander/chief, whatever you called him, and bemoan how in dire straits I was financially (LOL). After all, I'm just a woman unable to stand on her own two feet and my husband just up and left me. LOL

Oh dumbass was not happy that I was going to receive part of his pay. Hmmmm.... oh well. Those checks started coming in monthly and it was great. Dumbass did everything he could to stop the influx of funds, but atlas, it was to no avail. LOL

On a separate issue, one evening he decided he would break into my apartment to retrieve his bicycle that was left on the balcony. I had the police come out and filed a police report. The next day I filed charges against him for breaking in and damaging my property. (He tore my balcony screen door). Oh I am so bad I know.

We went to court on our designated date and the charges where being read off and dumbass just stood there looking like a deer in headlights asking for a postponement because he did not have an attorney. Mind you he had already asked for a postponement which was granted so needless to say the judge was not having that and in no uncertain terms told him no...he had plenty of time to secure an attorney and we would proceed. Dumbass was so clueless.

Oh well, he sat down waiting for the time to testify when an attorney sitting in the courtroom representing someone else decided to have pity on dumbass and started to help him. He called us all out to the waiting room in order to settle this before the actual hearing began. My mother was with me and she chimed in, “No! He should go to jail!”

I settled for making him give me all of the cash he had in his pocket and left. Later that day I went shopping. HAHAHA!

The Ex Files Continued....

Ok, so after months and months of fighting and unhappiness the hubby and I decided to call it quits. Albeit amidst a flurry of name calling, accusations and threats.

I had had enough and it was time to end this farce of a marriage. I told him in no uncertain terms to leave and leave immediately. I requested my house key and car key back (his car was in MY name) and he refused so unfortunately the police had to get involved. Needless to say he left that evening.

I was not sure were he was going to spend the night and frankly I did not care. I was just relieved that I was finally done with him and his foolishness.

Over the course of a couple days he contacted me to make arrangements to gather some of his belongings left behind. In that conversation I found out he moved in with our next door neighbor.

Now don’t get me wrong, I suspected something nefarious was going on between them. Call it woman’s intuition if you like. (that is for real by the way) There were always subtle hints that something was going on between them but I said nothing as I didn’t have any concrete proof of said alleged affair.

So, as I was saying, he in fact moved in with her. In her ONE BEDROOM apartment. I was LIVID. That is the height of disrespect. How could someone do something like that to another human being?

I would be forced to look out of my window daily to the sight of them traipsing in and out of their little love nest together. Can I tell you thoughts of murder quickly spread rampid. If only I could have figured out a way to do it without getting caught. Hmmmmmm…Oh well.

I had a married couple upstairs from me that saw everything that was going on. (As did every one else in the neighborhood) One day as I was sitting at home doing whatever I was doing when I heard a knock at the door. When I looked out of the peep hole I saw it was the wife from upstairs. I opened the door and greeted her with a warm smile.

She said, “We know what is going on and we just wanted you to know how sorry we are.” and handed me a vase of flowers. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I tried to quickly get her out of my doorway before the tears that were welling up began to pour out like a tsunami.

That was a very rough time. I did manage to get my “digs” in though…

The Ex-husband Files....

I'm not sure if I told you all this before but I was once married. Yep me. My husband was an insecure, insensitive manipulative cheat. (I'll get into all that other stuff later)

On one warm, beautiful, sunny Saturday morning my husband and I were just lounging around in bed trying to wake up and talking. In the midst of our conversation he said something that completely floored me.

He said, "Um, I joined the Navy."

Me: I just looked at him and blinked. "You did what?"

Him: "I joined the Navy the other day."

Oh you know I was out of that bed, hands flailing looking like a crazy woman.

Me: "Excuse me? How the hell can you do something like that without talking to me FIRST!?"

Him: "I've always wanted to join the Navy. This is something I need to do for ME."

Me: "You selfish bastard! It's no longer about just YOU. You have a wife now to think about."

I just could not fathom how a spouse could do something so drastic without discussing it with their mate. It was beyond me. I was livid.

I threw on some clothes and drove all the way to his recruiters office to confront the bastard but when I arrived the lights were on, the door was locked but he would not answer the door. I was hot!

I drove back home to finish having it out with dumbass but he had left. You better believe that he and I argued for weeks after that because what he did was reprehensbile.

His mother told him one time when we were visiting her that, "You better not leave that pretty girl here all by herself. Some man is gonna come and snatch her up." Dumbass just looked at us both, shook his head and looked out the window into the backyard.

A whole lot of drama insued before he left for basic training. I'll let you in on it little by little. Too much for one blog entry.

I'm so hungry

Ok, I don't cook very often at all. When you live alone you most often don't have the motivation to cook meals when you come home from work. It's just simpler to either heat up a frozen dinner, make a sandwich or order take out.

So I have no idea what the hell got into me to cook dinner last night but I decided to become Betty Crocker.

I decided to cook Flounder and Rice and Gravy. Amazing I know. Why is it when I sat down to inhale said gourmet meal the rice was wayyyyy to salty and the fish was mushy. How the hell could fish be mushy. I've never encountered that before. Ok so I wasn't happy.

I remembered that there were frozen taquitos in the freezer so I gleefully lept from the table and sprinted to the freezer, grabbed those precious gems and popped those babies in the oven.

Awwwww....nothing like a home cooked meal.

I will not wait!!

I was driving home the other day. On the way home I suddenly had a taste for chinese food. I took the exit close to my house and realized that I had to stop by the eyeglass store to get my glasses adjusted. I then remembered that there was a great chinese restaurant right there in the same shopping center.

I had the brilliant idea to call in my food order and while they were preparing it I would get my glasses adjusted then walk over to the restaurant and pick up my food because surley it would be ready by then.

I reach in the side pocket of my driver side door and pull out the menu. I grab my cell phone and dial the number on the front and place my order.

Me: "Hi, I want to place an order for chicken lo mein and shrimp egg foo young."

Chinese restaurant employee: "What size lo mein?"

Me: "Small"

Chinese restaurant employee: "10 minute."

Me: "Ok" Perfect! I hang up and make my way to Dr. Vision Works in about 6 minutes.

They complete my glasses and I walk over to the chinese place and ask for my order.

Chinese restaurant employee: "What name?"

Me: "The woman on the phone never asked for a name. I ordered chicken lo mein and shrimp egg foo young."

Chinese restaurant employee: "We don't have order. When you call?"

Me: "About 15 mns ago."

Chinese restaurant employee: "Sorry not here. We can cook for you. 5 minutes."

Me: "The whole idea for me calling it in was so that I didn't have to wait."

Chinese restaurant employee: "Sorry....We don't have. We can cook for you. Wait."

Me: "This is ridiculous." I huff over to the chair in the waiting area and plop my butt down very attitudnal. I am steaming at the point. I so did not want to wait. How in the world could they have lost my order. Damn them. Well, 12 minutes later the order arrives.

Chinese restaurant employee: "Here you go."

Me: "About time." I pay and snatch my food as my final act of protest and walk out. I get to my car and reach for the menu and realize that the menu was for a restaurant clear on the other side of town.

Oops.

Oh I had a blast!!!

Hello all. After I post this I will begin perusing all of your blogs. I need to catch up with each of you. Well, I had THE BEST vacation ever!!!! We stayed at the most amazing resort in Ft. Lauderdale. We each had our own bedrooms and bathrooms which was wonderful! We had a cute living room and dining area with a full kitchen. Really great!

We also had the most amazing meals the first 2 nights we were there. We did a lot of shopping. Boy did I shop! I spent WAY TOO MUCH money. I purchased three handbags and another large weekend bag. I found the most amazing Coach bag in the Coach store at this really great outlet. It was only $220! It was marked down from almost $300. Men, you will not understand the joy expressed here. My readers of the female persuasion know of what I speak! I could not resist this bag! The purchase was mandatory…there was nothing I could do.

We decided to drive down to Miami one night and visit South Beach. Neither one of us had ever visited Miami so this was a real treat indeed. We found this rather lively Cuban restaurant. The food and service was divine. They had fabulous dancers and a live Cuban band. There was this couple on the dance floor. Now let me tell you, it was quite apparent that these two had been dance partners for like a hundred years because they knew each others moves and fell into an easy rhythm that could only be achieved from years of dancing together, building that trust. We were all mesmerized. There was no way on God’s green earth you’d find my ass out there dancing next to those two. I knew my place…I just sat there and envied from afar.

This really young guy (old enough to my SON) tried to talk to me. Can you believe that madness? I wanted to tell him, ‘Son, you have no idea how old I really am. You really need to back away slowly as to not embarrass yourself.’ LOL

Then another night we decided to go on a boat cruise. It was advertised as a “party cruise” so we thought ‘what the hell’. We were a little leery at first when we sat down for dinner and the food was horrendous!

Well after dinner we started walking the ship and partaking in the activities and had THE BEST TIME EVER!!! There were a couple of guys that kinda latched on to us and the four of us had a ball. We sung karaoke all night and made complete fools of our selves and loved every minute of it!!

Oh, I almost forgot…we went to a tiki bar one night and saw this!!!

If you look like a crack whore in the face and have a body like Jim Carey in drag then you SHOULD NOT be wearing a two piece ANYTHING! I couldn't get a shot of her from the front without arousing suspicion so this is the best I could do folks. Her stomach made her look as if she was 6 months pregnant. Why oh why!!??

My eyes hurt for 6 hours behind this madness!!!

A Little Vaca....

Hey all!!! I hope you all have a WONDERFUL weekend! I am heading out this morning to Ft. Lauderdale, FL for a little R and R. I'll be back onTuesday ready to peruse your blogs and comment!

Take Care!!!!

Dreams????

Do you believe some dreams are premonitions of what’s to come? Have you had dreams that have come true? I was talking to a friend the other day and that conversation prompted this blog post.

I personally have had certain dreams that have come true which makes me stand up and take notice when I do have a very vivid, memorable dream.

Here is one example of what I consider a dream that was actually a premonition. Here is a little background; a few years ago I was very much interested in a young man. I lived in Maryland and he lived in Georgia at the time. We talked constantly. It was great. I visited a girlfriend and her husband in Georgia on one occasion and this friend joined us. I was under the impression we were getting very close and I was enjoying it.

Well, as time went on I noticed a distance between us. We were not communicating like we should and I was feeling the space between us getting bigger.

It wasn’t long before I was beginning to suspect he was interested in another woman. I didn’t voice my feelings because I had no proof so I decided to just sit back and watch this thing unfold.

One night while in bed sleeping I had a dream. I dreamt my friend walked up three flights of stairs of an apartment building, knocked on the door several times and a young lady answered. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her. They walked a few feet to the stairs and sat down to talk. A few moments later I arrive at this apartment building and walk up the same stairs. I see the two of them chatting and cuddling on the steps. I look into the eyes of my friend and simply say, “What’s this?” The young lady looked at me, then at my friend and quietly stood up and walked back into her apartment to give my friend and me a little privacy. I looked at him again and asked, “Is this the woman you are interested in?”

He says, “Yes.” And lowers his head.

My heart sank as the realization of the situation hit me, “So this is the end for us isn’t it?”

He then says, “Yes. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

I immediately wake up with such a heavy heart but a clarity I hadn’t had before. I knew at that very moment that it was really and truly indeed over between us.

I counted down the hours until I was able to talk to him later that evening. I had every intention of getting this out in the open that night.

Well, sure enough, I call him and ask him flat out, “Is there another woman?”

He became silent for a minute then said, “Yes. It just kind of happened and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Virtual Assistants

Hello all....

If you or someone you know needs a virtual assistant please send me an email . I know some people that are in need of employment from their home.

Thanks!!

Dr. Feel Good

Ok, so I had my regular annual exam with my OB/GYN. I enter the examining room as instructed and proceed to undress as instructed.

The doctor arrives and begins his routine breast exam, poking and prodding. Nothing out of the ordinary then all of a sudden he asks, “Have you ever had any surgeries on your breasts before?”

I answer, “No. That’s funny, that’s the exact same question the woman asked me at the place where I had my mammogram.”

Doctor: “That’s because there are no bumps or lumps anywhere. They are very soft too. It’s almost as if there were fake. They’re not drooping either.”

He then continues to poke and prod and feel all over them and now he’s making me feel uncomfortable because he just keeps feeling and poking.

The thing is...I don't have any breasts!!! HAHAHAHA!! I need to buy some because I am so flat. LOL

Hmmmm…… I wonder if my doctor is a freak. LOL

I Kicked Your Tushy!!!

Last night Mr. Construction and I decided to hang out a bit and have some fun. We decided to go to Dave and Busters as it's the perfect date spot to hang out and interact with each other and have a blast.

Now a little back ground on Mr. Construction. he is EXTREMELY competitive. Case in point, a couple of months ago we decide to go bowling. Now anyone that knows me knows that I suck majorly at bowling but I still like to go and have a good time any way. Well we play 3 games and he proceeds to beat me all three games. He was totally in his element that day. He was just so pleased with himself that he won that he keeps gloating about it even to this day. He'll make comments like, " Yeah, we need to go bowling again so I can kick your but." Or, "Yeah, let's go to Dave and Busters so I can beat you in some games." Blah, Blah, Blah. Needless to say this really gets on my nerves. It's like he absolutely has to beat me in everything or else he isn't complete.

Well, we hit Dave and Busters and the first thing we decide to do is shoot some hoops. I BEAT HIS ASS!!!! Did you hear me?? I kicked his ass. He was so out done. He then suggested we play another game. Sure! No problem. We decide on a driving game were we can race each other. We raced each other twice and...... I KICKED HIS ASS AGAIN!! Yes I did! He was too through then so he suggests we play pool because he knows I suck at pool and that is the ONE game he knows he can beat me at. I agree and we play 3 games and he beats all three. Whoop tee doo.

You know I'm just cheesing the whole entire time because Mr. Competitive got his ass kicked today by ME!! HAHAHAHA!

We grab dinner and he said, "I can't believe you beat me in games I should have won." WHAT???!!! I'm thinking to myself, 'Oh you should have won because you are a guy? Is that it? Suck these man!!!' I just grinned. I am so pleased with myself. HAHAHA!

You know he is going to try and compete with me at some other insane game just so he can win right? LOL

Vacation Layaway

How often do you take vacations during the year? I LOVE to travel so I try to get away as often as time allows. Sometimes, however, it is very difficult to get away.

Already this year I’ve gone on a few trips and plan to go to Ft. Lauderdale, FL next week.

I was talking to a friend this morning and he mentioned something about “Vacation Layaways”.

Now I’ve never heard of such. I mean when I want to go on a trip I just book it, pay for it then go. I’ve never heard of the concept of laying away your vacation. He was telling me that a woman he was involved with a little while ago had turned him on to the idea. You’d obviously have to book this through a travel agent but you’d decide where you want to go, contact the travel agent, make an initial deposit then begin making monthly payments to the agency until you’re all paid up. Interesting.

This definitely takes a lot of future planning. I probably wouldn’t book a trip in advance like that with some dude I’m just dating. He might piss me the hell off and then we’d be shit out of luck. I’d probably find it mandatory to have his ass kicked too. lol

Have any of you heard of this before? Would you consider something like that?

I supposed it could be a great way to go a vacation that you would otherwise not be able to afford.

Confusion.....

I’m at the point now that I have to make some real decisions regarding The Manager and Mr. Construction.

Let’s start with Mr. Construction. I like him but it seems that the more I spend time with him the more I find certain habits that irritate me. For example, he and I decided to go to the movies over the weekend. We walked up to the box office and he ordered and paid for the tickets. No problem. We get to the refreshment counter to order drinks and popcorn and all that crap. He orders his stuff and pays for it. I don’t think you heard me….HE ORDERED HIS STUFF THEN PAID FOR IT. I’m standing there thinking to myself, ‘No he didn’t’. I have never had a guy do that to me on a date. After he gets his food I then order mine. He did give me the money to pay for it but still. He should have ordered our stuff together. That is what I’m used to. I have NEVER had a guy order his stuff then pay for it with out asking me what I wanted. That irritated the hell out of me. Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing but I am used to being treated a certain way and I will not compromise on that. I think he is not used to being a gentleman…. being chivalrous.

Then there is The Manager. He is really nice and tries to be very attentive. The problem is he is going through a divorce right now and I’m not sure how comfortable he is with the whole dating thing. He’s not very affectionate in public. I’m not sure if he is ready for a relationship right now. He tells me that this is a new thing for him. Maybe I should be patient and cut him some slack. I don’t know.

Maybe I should cut them both loose and just be on my own until the right one comes along. I am a very confused woman right now.

Terry

Ok I’m not sure what the hell I should do. Let me give you a little background: I have a male buddy named “Will”. I’ve known Will for many years now. I’ve been to his house, he’s been to mine…really nice guy. Anyway, Will has this buddy named “Terry”. Terry and Will have been friends for MANY…MANY years.

Well somehow Terry saw a picture of me and told Will he wanted to meet me. No problem. Well Terry waited so long in trying to meet that I met a guy and we started to date seriously so Terry was OUT. Will gave a cookout at his home for his young daughters’ birthday. I was attending with my then boyfriend. I was told by Will that Terry would be there as well. Cool. I was glad as I was finally going to get to see this dude in person. Well I arrive with said boyfriend and ask Will if Terry was still there and he informed me that Terry had left. I was slightly disappointed because I wanted to see him face to face. Anyway we stay and have a good time then leave after awhile.

Fast forward a week later and I was told that Terry was in fact still there but he was in the house looking out onto the back patio deck at us. I, at first, (and still do) think that was not true. I think they got something mixed up because that doesn’t sound very rational. Terry claimed he didn’t want to face me then with my boyfriend there. Sounds strange to me but oh well.

This all took place about 7 years ago. Over the course of the years Terry and I have had a few email and IM chats where he wanted to meet, I agree then he would somehow stand me up.

I hate being stood up so I would never contact him for an explanation. I would just ignore him from then on. He’d try contacting me again at some point then I’d give in and chat with him then he’d make some point of asking for a date then…boom! Stand me up all over again.

Well, I hadn’t spoken to Terry in about 2 years and all of a sudden he starts to IM me last week. Now mind you he now has a woman that he is living with.

He again asks to meet me and again promises to not stand me up this time and all that jazz. He also made it perfectly clear that even though he is very unhappy in his current relationship he has no intention of leaving this woman.

With all this said, why did my dumb ass reluctantly cave in again and agree to meet him at a restaurant near my house for a drink?

What the hell am I thinking? I should tell him to take a flying leap shouldn’t I?

I feel like a Mack truck hit my face!!!

Hello all! I’m BACK!!! Well, here’s a little low down on what’s going on with me lately.

I had the surgery I was telling you all about. It’s funny, I didn’t know that I was ALSO receiving a Septoplasty until I got there. I saw on one of the forms that I was receiving an Endoscopic Sinus Surgery as well as a Septoplasty. My eyes widened. Now the funny part is that I am addicted to Dr. 90210 so I’ve seen them do septoplasty’s before and I thought to myself ‘I wonder why Dr. Soandso didn’t suggest I have one of those?’ Hmmmmmmm…. LOL

Anyway, the procedure was cool. I was mad nervous because I have never had a surgical procedure before so I was not sure what to expect. They escort me into the OR and immediately one of the nurse’s walked in and said to Dr. Soandso, “I guess you won’t be needing that extra long stretcher huh?” I wanted to stab her in the eye. God love her. Actually they all put me in a great mood and tried to ease my anxiety. I laid on the table and told the CRNA that I was nervous and she said, “Oh, I have something for that.” I said, “You do?” Amazed but also skeptical. She said, “Yep, as soon as I give you this you won’t feel nervous at all.” I’m thinking to myself ‘BRING IT!!!’ LOL

God bless her because as soon as she shot whatever lovely concoction she had in that syringe into my IV my head started spinning. I IMMEDITELY said “Hey, my head is spinning.” I then proceeded to laugh uncontrollably…..then….that was it! The next then I knew I was being awakened by people yelling at me, “DIVA! Wake up!” You gotta go!” Ok, so they didn’t say the “you gotta go” part but they were by my bed yelling at me and I had this mask thing on my face. I remember thinking, “It’s over?’

So as you can see the procedure was a cake walk but oh baby…the recuperating is another story. I felt an enormous amount of pressure and discomfort for the next 4 days after. The Analyst was right there by my side. He stayed with me, cooking, getting me drinks, cleaning my yucky bloody nose and gauze. He was absolutely amazing. If any of you need an attentive male nurse, I’ll pimp loan him to you for a nominal fee.

The Manager was calling or texting a great deal of the time checking on me which was great. My best bud, “The Extremist”, was amazing too. She came over one day and helped The Analyst change my gauze. Now that’s a friend. I love her!

All in all things are coming back to normal. I’m still really sore and uncomfortable in the nasal area but it’s getting better.

Oh, I almost forgot. I had my first pre-op on Wednesday. They started yanking and pulling shit out of my nose. I had no idea all that crap could fit up there. OH MY GOODNESS!! The physician assistant said to me, “Close your eyes and be still. This will be uncomfortable.” I brace myself but once she started pulling all that packing out I had NEVER felt anything like that in my life!!!! I jumped and squirmed and screamed and she yelled at me, “BE STILL!” I looked at her and said, “You have got to be kidding. YOU sit here and let me dig shit outta your nose that’s packed WAY up in there and see how still YOU will be.” She just blinked and kept yanking and pulling. I hate her.

Everything else is going great. I’ll update you all on some other stuff tomorrow.

See ya on your blogs!!!!!

I have to get this off my chest

I have to get this off my chest. I was reading a blog this morning lambasting the coverage that Michael Vick is receiving regarding this dog fighting ring. Apparently this person compares this media coverage to the lack of coverage and outrage regarding abortions.

WTF!!!?? Am I missing something? What the hell does fighting dogs have to do with abortions? The author of this blog mentions her indignation that people are not more up in arms about the abortion issue. You have got to be kidding me. The two have no comparability.

The abortion issue has raged for many years. It’s not a new issue so the media is not going to shine a light on it at this moment until something happens to bring it to the forefront.

This Michael Vick issue is something that recently transpired so it is in our immediate consciousness.

Just because people are up in arms and outraged at dog fighting does not mean those same people would not be as upset about mistreatment of children. When the public hears about a case of mistreatment of children we are equally as disturbed. Come on now.

I feel strongly about this case because it hurts my very core when animals are hurt, maimed or killed. Animals are living, breathing creatures and they feel pain just as we do so it will never be ok to intentionally hurt one of them.

That’s just how I feel.

I don’t think he should go to jail behind this necessarily but stiff fines and community service working with animal or animal rights organizations would be appropriate in my opinion.

The same level up indignation and alarm is felt when I hear of parents abusing or killing a child. That hurts to my very core as well. It troubles me for quite sometime as a matter of fact.

The two issues can not be compared in my opinion.

Sorry I can not link to this bloggers post for but they have expressed their desire to not be linked too. :(

Random Crap

Update on Boss

I come in this morning, fire up my computer and open Outlook. I peruse my emails and see that we have an all staff meeting this morning at 8:30 (Who schedules meetings at freaking 8:30 AM!!!). Anyway, we all file into the conference room after which we find the VP of Enterprise Services standing at the podium in front of the auditorium. After giving us a few updates about our company (i.e. we were just sold…yada, yada, yada) he then says, “ We’d also like to inform you all that “Boss” is no longer with “Company”. I don’t want to go into it any further but I wanted to squash the rumor mill rather quickly. It was the best decision all way around.”

So there you have it. She’s out of a job as well as potentially out of a marriage.

My weekend

This was my birthday weekend so a girlfriend and I decided to go to NY to see Wicked on Broadway. Can I tell you that was probably the best play I have ever seen!!!! It was phenomenal! For all my Sex and The City fans (that is so my favorite TV show OF ALL TIME!!) Julia Murney played Elphaba (The wicked witch). She was the woman that attempted to out last Samantha during their “fight” for the GORGEOUS Smith at that Raw restaurant. Remember? If you don’t you’re not a REAL fan!! LOL Anyway, she was absolutely phenomenal!! I can’t say that enough. You all HAVE to go to NY and see Wicked on Broadway.

Before the play, however, we decided to eat dinner at Gallagher Steakhouse right around the corner from the theater. Last year there we had impeccable service. Absolutely stellar. This time, however, not so much. Our server ignored us the whole entire evening. A different server took our drink orders. The busboy brought desert menus after dinner and asked if we wanted dessert once he realized we’d been sitting there for like 50 minutes with a cleared table and no attention from our server. I was really pissed off by being ignored this way. Our server spent so much time chatting up the other tables, it was ridiculous. I was getting furious. We decided to tip the busboy because he was more attentive then the server and we tipped the server only 10% and then complained to the manager. I was so tempted to just leave the dude NOTHING!!!

Dating

Mr. Construction came over last night after I got back from NY with balloon and a birthday card in hand. It was really sweet. We just sat around and watched a DVD and ate take out. It was a great evening. He is really starting to get caught up and that’s fine by me because I like him too.

The Manager has been really attentive lately. I’ve been impressed. He messed up slightly this weekend but I’m sure he will make it up to me tonight or tomorrow.

The Analyst is still being himself. He purchased a new car Friday and asked me to go with him to pick it up. That was fine. No problem, but on the way he started questioning me on Mr. Construction. I sooooo did not want to have that conversation with him so I eventually changed the subject. It’s weird talking to your ex about the new guy you are dating. Way weird.

I think that’s it for now. Oh, one of my co-workers brought me in some homemade crab soup!!! I can’t wait to dig into that.

Ok, I’m going to make my rounds to your blogs today so see you later.

It's getting hot in here.

I really love my job and the people I work with. I have not had that in a work environment in a very long time. With that said my boss is a really cool person. We get along with no problems.

However, my boss’s personal life is a complete mess. She is cheating on her husband and we all know it. I think her affair has been going on for about a year now. Well, suffice to say that I think her husband has gotten wind of said affair.

We were all seated at our desks, minding our own businesses when all of a sudden my boss screeches at me, “DIVA!!! Please do me a favor. Run to the front desk and grab Greg and take him to the all purpose room really fast! Tell him I’ll be there in a minute. I got caught up in a last minute meeting.”

Me: “Ok. Why are you so frazzled? Everything ok?”

Boss: “Yes but Richard is on his way up and I can’t have them two meet!!!!”

Richard is her husband and Greg is her stiff one on the side. I run out to the lobby to grab Greg. As I do the elevator door opens and Richard steps out. Oh my goodness! I’ve met Richard before so I simply say, “Hi Richard. Long time no see. How are you?”

Richard: “I’m just hunky dory. How are you these days?”

Me: “Fantastic.”

Richard: “Good to hear it.”

Me. “Alright. Take care.”

I usher Greg out of the lobby as fast as I can before Richard could have a chance to mention my boss. I take Greg to the All Purpose room, have him sit down, turn on the TV and close the door as I leave. I get back to my desk just as Richard and my boss are leaving from her office. She doubles back and tells me, “Wait about 10 minutes and tell Greg to…” Just as she was giving me her directive, Greg walks out of the room and over to us and says, “Tell Greg what?”

Ok now I am shitting bricks. I am looking really dazed and confused right now. I’m wondering how she is going to get herself out of this mess. I surely wasn’t going to offer any assistance.

Boss: “I was just going to tell her to tell you that I was going to be right in in just a few moments.”

Greg: “Oh cool. How are you?” He then kisses her on the cheek.

Boss: “Really good honey…just crazy busy.” Just then Richard comes over to her, “Hey, I looked back and noticed you weren’t behind me. Uhhh…what’s going on here?”

Now I’m looking back and forth at all three of them wondering what she is going to do. I need to go back to my desk but for some reason my legs will not move.

Boss: “I had to speak to this gentleman for a minute. Meet me at the elevators in the lobby.”

Richard: “Ok but what is the kiss on the cheek about?”

Greg: Looking directly at my boss, “Who is this?”

Richard: “Who am I? Who are YOU?”

Aaaaawww shit now!!! It’s about to get crazy around here. I still can’t move.

Boss: “Let’s go to the conference room down the hall and talk about it.”

Richard: “You damn right we’ll talk about it.”

All three of them proceed to the conference room and all you can hear is a lot of shouting and screaming and furniture moving. Richard flings open the door and rushes out, gets to the elevator and leaves in a huff. Greg walks out in a huff about 5 minutes later. My boss comes back to her desk, gathers her keys and purse and leaves for the rest of the day. She’s off today as well.

Hmmmm....

What is really going on?

You will not believe what happened this weekend. I am home relaxing, in the den doing some work on the computer Saturday evening when I hear a knock at my door. I get up from my desk and walk over to the door and ask, “Who is it?”

“It’s me, ‘D’.”

I had a look of total shock on my face. ‘D’ is my ex from last year. I hadn’t spoken to him since. I was both shocked and pissed off. I mean how dare he just show up at my house unannounced. He didn’t know my relationship status. If The Analyst was still living there he would have ripped ‘D’ a new one.

I open the door with my mouth agape trying to process his appearance at my door.

Me: “Well, what brings you by after all this time?” I hadn’t seen you in almost a year.”

He walks in and sits at the dining room table and proceeds to tell me about his whereabouts and what has been happening in his life since our break up. Nothing heavy.

He then proceeds to tell me how much he misses me and all this stuff.

WTF!!!?? Is there a full moon and I don’t know about it? Is this April Fools day and no one told me? What the hell is going on?

I’m still miffed that he showed up unannounced. If The Manager or Mr. Construction was there it would have been very awkward.

‘D’ can just hang it up…I have no room in my life for him. He is an ex for a reason.

DAMN!!!

How rude can you be?

Ok some people take rudeness and disrespect to a whole other level at times. I am a nursing trainer. It's my job to train people on a regular bases. I love training. I've been doing it for 10 years now. I'm damn good at it.

Anyway, the hospital where I work is launching a new surgical software that nurses and surgeons alike will have to utilize. It's pretty critical stuff. I mean, you have some poor stiff laid out on the operating bed and you have to have the system up right there beside you the entire time during the procedure. If you screw something up there the poor fool laid out could die. It's really just that critical that the peopple learn this stuff,

Anyway, I'm about to conduct a training session with a group of nurses. I'm in the front of the class room, getting introductions and preliminary stuff out of the way when I noticed seated in the front row this chick has a book open and is reading it! THIS IDIOT IS READING A BOOK IN THE FRONT ROW RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME trying to conduct a training.

Oh I wanted to beat the shit out of her but I simply said, "I'd hate for you to miss some really important information during class so could you please put the book away?"

This chick puts the book away, half ass pays attention during class then has the nerve to slam me on the evaluation. I so wanted to beat her ass.

I just laughed it off considering the source.

How rude could you be to read a book in front of the instructor duing class?

BITCH!

Aaaaaahhhhhh yeah baby!!

So I’m back from my trip to Vegas. Let me start off by saying I had a marvelous time! It was amazing. First let me say that humans were not made to live in 110 degree weather. What the hell is up with the heat out there? We saw several shows: Cirque De Soleil (Mystiere), Stomp Out Loud, The Blue Man Group and the Chippendales. Oh my goodness the Chippendales. Oh my goodness!!! I am still speechless. These are the most gorgeous, perfect men God ever put on this earth! Hold on while I wipe the drool from my keyboard. I swear like six of them wanted me!!! I saw them giving me the eye. They wanted me baby!

All of the shows were magnificent. I am really glad I saw them all. By the way, what is up with all the use of paper in the Blue Man Group show? What’s the deal? It was great though.

I came back exhausted as all get out. I slept half the day away yesterday trying to catch up on my much needed sleep. Let’s be honest, you do not go to Vegas to rest and relax!

I am sitting here blurry eyed having visions of ever so gently placing my head on a very soft, plush pillow on my desk that just some how miraculously appears.

Our trip started off with my parking the car in my favorite spot in the Long Term parking lot of the airport. My girlfriends and I jump out of the car and grab our bags as the shuttle was about to leave the stop. We flag the driver down and she stops allowing us to enter the shuttle. I approach first and struggle to lift my suitcase onto the bus but I do and secure it in a safe place. I look behind me and realize that my girls were not there. I look out of the front door and see one of them laying flat on the ground with her legs sticking straight up in the air laughing hysterically. I see that she’s ok, proceed to laugh my ass of then find a seat and sit down. Aaaww yes…..we are set for Vegas now baby!!!!

You will happy to know that I didn’t cuss out or beat the shit out of the ex-friend I told you all about. I was on my best behavior. Almost.

A Little Vaca...

Hello all of you beautiful bloggers. I just wanted to tell everyone to have a great rest of the week and weekend. I'm off to Vegas for a few days.

I'll return on Monday and check in with all of you then.

Be safe and have fun!!!

Here's What Happened.....

Ok, so I had a pretty interesting weekend. Friday The Analyst comes over. Eats and relaxes. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I call Mr. Construction to try and avoid a catastrophe.

Me: “Hey Honey.”

Mr. Construction: “Hey You.”

Me: “Hey, I have a slight change in plans. If you still want to get together then I’ll meet you at the place. Or else we’ll have to make it for tomorrow.”

Mr. Construction: “Uhhh…tomorrow is fine. One of my buddies asked me to get together with the guys as sort of a bachelor party thing since my buddy is getting married next weekend.”

Me: Breathing a sigh of relief “Cool…tomorrow it is then.”

So The Analyst and I just chill out the remainder of the evening. I wake up in the morning when I hear him leaving the spare bedroom and pad downstairs to turn on the TV. We just relax for most of the morning. It starts to get late and I’m starting to get antsy wondering when he was going to get the hell out of there. I had spoken with Mr. Construction and he was due at my house at 6:00pm. I walk from the den into the living room where The Analyst was seated and asked him, “What time are you leaving out?”

The Analyst: “I’m not.”

Me: “WHAT! I shriek.

The Analyst: “I’m tired. I’m just going to relax the rest of the day.”

Holy shit! I run upstairs and immediately dial Mr. Construction’s number in an attempt to head him off at the pass. I ring his home number…..no answer. DAMN! I call his cell…no answer. Shit!! I leave a message, “Hey sweetie, don’t come to my house, just meet me at the mall instead since I will be on that side of town anyway.”

So now I am frantically getting myself ready so that I can bail out of there just in case Mr. Construction doesn’t get my message and shows up. Just as I’m about ready to leave my cell phone rings. I look at the caller ID and its Mr. Construction. Thank goodness!!

Me. “Hey.”

Mr. Construction: “Hey you. I got your message; I’ll just meet you there then. No problem.

Me: Cool. I’ll see you then.”

Whew!!!! So now I’m home free. I leave and meet Mr. Construction for dinner. We are sitting there talking when I decide to ask him, “ Soooo….let me ask you this: If your woman told you that her ex boyfriend was going to stay over night at her house how would you feel about that?”

Mr. Construction: “No way!!! Nope. That would not fly with me at all. I’d constantly think something was going on there. Nope. Not happening.’

Me: “Oh... just thought I’d ask.”

Oh...Boy!

As you all know, I’ve been dating Mr. Construction and The Manager casually trying to decide who actually has staying power if either one does. Well I hadn’t heard from The Manager in 7 – 9 days. Yep, you read it correctly 7-9DAYS!

I receive a text message out of the blue:

Hey you, had 2 get another phone, been moving, call me

I ignored those sweet little words and never responded to that text.

He then decides to call me a little later when he realized he was on ignore status. I reached for my phone thinking it was someone I actually WANTED to speak with, looked at the caller ID display and immediately hit the “Fuck You” button and proceeded with my day.

How dare you think I’m cool with being ignored for a week?

Then The Analyst calls in search of some mail that he was expecting from his tenants in GA. It did not come. He then asked if he could crash at my house for the night as he has no money and need to wait on the mail for tomorrow. My nice, sweet, DUMB ASS said “Sure, no problem.” Mind you I have a date with Mr. Construction tonight.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

I'm wondering about me

I am sitting here waiting for my students to arrive and I begin contemplating my past relationships. Things with Mr. Construction are going very well. We seem to be connecting and I am grateful for that. I am not getting my hopes up though because I have had these "false starts" too many times. For now, I'm just going to enjoy the ride where ever it takes me.

Upon reflecting on past romances, I try to figure out my part in the demise. Was I too accommodating? Was I too easy going? Was I just a convenience? Was I not a challenge?

My ex husband's close friend once told me that I was too lenient with my ex husband. Go figure. I have the mind set that we are all adults. I am not your mother so there is no need for me to monitor your every comings and goings. I trust you until you give me reason to not. Silly me.

I've always tried to be a very easy going person as to not cause conflict. No man wants a woman that fusses and argues all the time right? I want my man to come home to a calm, happy home. Your home should be your sanctuary from the big bad mean world.

Then I start to look at some of my friends relationships and wonder to myself 'Why are they still together?' Often times the woman in those cases are complete shrews. Constantly shrieking and barking orders to her man. But the funny thing is, HE STAYS! The guy is usually completely in love with her. I just don't get this.

I figured, 'forget all this'...I'm just going to be myself and the right man will appreiciate my easy going, lenient demeanor.