Thursday, August 2, 2007

I'm wondering about me

I am sitting here waiting for my students to arrive and I begin contemplating my past relationships. Things with Mr. Construction are going very well. We seem to be connecting and I am grateful for that. I am not getting my hopes up though because I have had these "false starts" too many times. For now, I'm just going to enjoy the ride where ever it takes me.

Upon reflecting on past romances, I try to figure out my part in the demise. Was I too accommodating? Was I too easy going? Was I just a convenience? Was I not a challenge?

My ex husband's close friend once told me that I was too lenient with my ex husband. Go figure. I have the mind set that we are all adults. I am not your mother so there is no need for me to monitor your every comings and goings. I trust you until you give me reason to not. Silly me.

I've always tried to be a very easy going person as to not cause conflict. No man wants a woman that fusses and argues all the time right? I want my man to come home to a calm, happy home. Your home should be your sanctuary from the big bad mean world.

Then I start to look at some of my friends relationships and wonder to myself 'Why are they still together?' Often times the woman in those cases are complete shrews. Constantly shrieking and barking orders to her man. But the funny thing is, HE STAYS! The guy is usually completely in love with her. I just don't get this.

I figured, 'forget all this'...I'm just going to be myself and the right man will appreiciate my easy going, lenient demeanor.