I Was Sent to Remedial Wii

My nieces bought their Wii game with them on their visit to see me. That was genius because it kept them busy while I worked. Yesterday my oldest niece asked me to play a game with her and I said sure. So I go into the living room and we begin playing some sort of Mario driving game. I just knew I was going to lay the smack down on her.

Well, things didn't turn out the way I anticipated. That damn car was all over the road. I could not stop that thing from smashing into every wall and barrier there was. She changed courses for the next game to something called the Coconut Mall which was supposed to eliminate any falling off cliffs on my part. Uh, not so much. I kept falling over the elevator. She then loudly proclaimed, "How do you fall over an elevator?" Whatevs.

She then declares that I need some practice time and then sent me to remedial Wii by setting up the game in training mode so that I could get some practice before I played again.

I think I may never drive again. Hell, bring out Galaga or Space Invaders and it's on!

It's Clearer Now

Today is my last day of vacation and it sucks. I've been off for the last six days and I have been having a ball with this free time. I could really get used to a life of luxury. With that said tomorrow I return to the land of the employed.

Usually after a vacation I'm ready to get back to work but not this time. I'm enjoying getting up at noon and staying in my PJ's all day. Eating all day. Yeah, this is the life.

I've been eating McDonald's, ice cream, pies, pasta, all kinds of goodies. Wait a minute....let's think about this for a minute. Since I've been home I've been eating like I've lost my mind. Maybe I do need to get my butt back to work and quick.

I Saw A Pile of Awesomeness in New York People!

OK, as a young country girl growing up in Baltimore MD, I would often watch TV with such a longing. I'd see really exotic places like Oklahoma, Virginia and Fargo, ND and dream of the day I could some how make it out of Baltimore and visit these mystical places. Oh I had a dream all right.

Then one day I saw a TV special with none other then the one and only Naked Cowboy. That's right folks, I saw this pile of awesomeness on TV and wished I could one day go to New York and see this fabulous creature.

I never thought in my wildest dreams I'd ever make it to New York but guess what people. My dream came true! On my last trip to New York guess who I saw?





Now I can die a happy woman.

New York Should be Dubbed Sin City

Hello all. I'm going to bring you up to date on some of the happenings in my world over the past weekend.

My gal pal Cookie and I decided to have a nice girls weekend in New York. We planned a Broadway show, lots of eats and lots of shopping. It was all set to kick off on Friday.

Friday we made our way to New York by mid afternoon. She didn't tell me that the distance from the train station to the hotel was a million freakin miles and we were going to walk it! I was exhausted by the time we got to the hotel. I wanted to strangle that girl.

The show, Memphis, had an 8:00pm curtain call so we had a couple of hours on our hands. We checked into our room and settled in then decided to go to dinner before the show was to start. Dinner was great. The show was wonderful. If you ever get the chance to check out a Broadway show please do yourself a favor and see either Wicked or Memphis. Great shows.

Afterward we returned to the hotel and hunkered down for a much needed good nights sleep. The next day was all about shopping. We went to SoHo and shopped until our cash ran out and our credit/debit cards lost its magnetic stripping and couldn't be used anymore. Crazy!

After all that shopping we changed clothes and went for a nice Italian dinner. Shout out to Tramonti's! You guys RAWK! After dinner we decided on a comedy club. You'd think we'd go to the Laff Factory or Caroline's. Nope. Not these sophisticated gals about town. Nothing but the best for us so we decided to go to Ha! instead. Heard of it before? No? Exactly. That place was a piece of shit dump with weak comedians. Ridiculous. After the show I was totally exhausted and wanted to go to bed. Cookie wasn't havin' no parts of that and this is were things get a little interesting.

Cookie decides to go to the hotel bar for more drinking and I was like "peace". I was planning on seeing nothing but the back of my eyelids. I drift into a haze and a few hours later Cookie returns even more inebriated if that was possible. Plopped on her bed and proclaimed this was "the best New York trip EVER!" and kissed me on the cheek. I laughed at her drunken state. She then says "I'm going out with my new friend Sasha." Some chick she just met at the bar. I shouted out a "have fun and be careful" which was met with a loud "Boom" as the door immediately slammed shut behind her as she bounced down the hall. I shook my head at her and just prayed for the best. I drifted off to sleep and a few more hours later I heard her come in. She went straight to the bathroom and I never hear her come out. I drifted off but woke up again to some really weird sounds coming from the bathroom. I sat up in the bed for a second trying to determine if she was sick or needed help. It got quiet again so I laid my head down. Then moments later I hear muffled voices and hushed sounds. I remember thinking "No she didn't!". This girl brought back some random dude she just met back to our hotel room and was screwing him in our bathroom. I didn't know what to do. No one has ever done any bullshit like this before. I wrestled with the idea of storming into the bathroom and breaking up their little party and throwing dude's naked ass out. This crap went on for 2 more hours. I was getting steamed because she was putting not only her life at risk but mine too. I didn't know this guy. He's just some random dude she picked up from the street, He could be a serial killer for all I knew and she had him in MY room! You can play with your life all day long but DO NOT play with my life and safety.

I finally heard her let him out and plop on her bed to go to sleep. I thought about busting her little bubble right then but couldn't find the right words.

The next morning she never mentioned a word about her ho-ish ways the night before. I'm still not sure if or how to call her out on this. You better believe she will never do this crap again.

UGH!

Oh I had a blast!!!

Hello all. After I post this I will begin perusing all of your blogs. I need to catch up with each of you. Well, I had THE BEST vacation ever!!!! We stayed at the most amazing resort in Ft. Lauderdale. We each had our own bedrooms and bathrooms which was wonderful! We had a cute living room and dining area with a full kitchen. Really great!

We also had the most amazing meals the first 2 nights we were there. We did a lot of shopping. Boy did I shop! I spent WAY TOO MUCH money. I purchased three handbags and another large weekend bag. I found the most amazing Coach bag in the Coach store at this really great outlet. It was only $220! It was marked down from almost $300. Men, you will not understand the joy expressed here. My readers of the female persuasion know of what I speak! I could not resist this bag! The purchase was mandatory…there was nothing I could do.

We decided to drive down to Miami one night and visit South Beach. Neither one of us had ever visited Miami so this was a real treat indeed. We found this rather lively Cuban restaurant. The food and service was divine. They had fabulous dancers and a live Cuban band. There was this couple on the dance floor. Now let me tell you, it was quite apparent that these two had been dance partners for like a hundred years because they knew each others moves and fell into an easy rhythm that could only be achieved from years of dancing together, building that trust. We were all mesmerized. There was no way on God’s green earth you’d find my ass out there dancing next to those two. I knew my place…I just sat there and envied from afar.

This really young guy (old enough to my SON) tried to talk to me. Can you believe that madness? I wanted to tell him, ‘Son, you have no idea how old I really am. You really need to back away slowly as to not embarrass yourself.’ LOL

Then another night we decided to go on a boat cruise. It was advertised as a “party cruise” so we thought ‘what the hell’. We were a little leery at first when we sat down for dinner and the food was horrendous!

Well after dinner we started walking the ship and partaking in the activities and had THE BEST TIME EVER!!! There were a couple of guys that kinda latched on to us and the four of us had a ball. We sung karaoke all night and made complete fools of our selves and loved every minute of it!!

Oh, I almost forgot…we went to a tiki bar one night and saw this!!!

If you look like a crack whore in the face and have a body like Jim Carey in drag then you SHOULD NOT be wearing a two piece ANYTHING! I couldn't get a shot of her from the front without arousing suspicion so this is the best I could do folks. Her stomach made her look as if she was 6 months pregnant. Why oh why!!??

My eyes hurt for 6 hours behind this madness!!!

A Little Vaca....

Hey all!!! I hope you all have a WONDERFUL weekend! I am heading out this morning to Ft. Lauderdale, FL for a little R and R. I'll be back onTuesday ready to peruse your blogs and comment!

Take Care!!!!

Vacation Layaway

How often do you take vacations during the year? I LOVE to travel so I try to get away as often as time allows. Sometimes, however, it is very difficult to get away.

Already this year I’ve gone on a few trips and plan to go to Ft. Lauderdale, FL next week.

I was talking to a friend this morning and he mentioned something about “Vacation Layaways”.

Now I’ve never heard of such. I mean when I want to go on a trip I just book it, pay for it then go. I’ve never heard of the concept of laying away your vacation. He was telling me that a woman he was involved with a little while ago had turned him on to the idea. You’d obviously have to book this through a travel agent but you’d decide where you want to go, contact the travel agent, make an initial deposit then begin making monthly payments to the agency until you’re all paid up. Interesting.

This definitely takes a lot of future planning. I probably wouldn’t book a trip in advance like that with some dude I’m just dating. He might piss me the hell off and then we’d be shit out of luck. I’d probably find it mandatory to have his ass kicked too. lol

Have any of you heard of this before? Would you consider something like that?

I supposed it could be a great way to go a vacation that you would otherwise not be able to afford.

Aaaaaahhhhhh yeah baby!!

So I’m back from my trip to Vegas. Let me start off by saying I had a marvelous time! It was amazing. First let me say that humans were not made to live in 110 degree weather. What the hell is up with the heat out there? We saw several shows: Cirque De Soleil (Mystiere), Stomp Out Loud, The Blue Man Group and the Chippendales. Oh my goodness the Chippendales. Oh my goodness!!! I am still speechless. These are the most gorgeous, perfect men God ever put on this earth! Hold on while I wipe the drool from my keyboard. I swear like six of them wanted me!!! I saw them giving me the eye. They wanted me baby!

All of the shows were magnificent. I am really glad I saw them all. By the way, what is up with all the use of paper in the Blue Man Group show? What’s the deal? It was great though.

I came back exhausted as all get out. I slept half the day away yesterday trying to catch up on my much needed sleep. Let’s be honest, you do not go to Vegas to rest and relax!

I am sitting here blurry eyed having visions of ever so gently placing my head on a very soft, plush pillow on my desk that just some how miraculously appears.

Our trip started off with my parking the car in my favorite spot in the Long Term parking lot of the airport. My girlfriends and I jump out of the car and grab our bags as the shuttle was about to leave the stop. We flag the driver down and she stops allowing us to enter the shuttle. I approach first and struggle to lift my suitcase onto the bus but I do and secure it in a safe place. I look behind me and realize that my girls were not there. I look out of the front door and see one of them laying flat on the ground with her legs sticking straight up in the air laughing hysterically. I see that she’s ok, proceed to laugh my ass of then find a seat and sit down. Aaaww yes…..we are set for Vegas now baby!!!!

You will happy to know that I didn’t cuss out or beat the shit out of the ex-friend I told you all about. I was on my best behavior. Almost.

My weekend

Hello all! I hope that you all had wonderful weekends. As you know I went to the fabulous ATL this weekend. Let me first start out by saying that I absolutely LOVE ATL!! I always have and always will. Every time I go I have the best time.

Years ago, when I would visit my girlfriend in Atlanta we would party our hearts out! She would take me to the most fabulous spots and we would men watch and flirt all night. I loved it.

Then she got married. I love her husband, he is a great guy. He is the best husband I have seen come this way ever! Well, since her marrying, our parting has curtailed quite a bit. We either go to pretty tame places with hubby in toe or we forgo partying all together. It’s cool. I have no problems as just hanging with them is fun enough for me.

Since I went there for her baby shower there was absolutely no parting involved this go round.

I was charged with getting my girlfriend out of the house for the day so that her daughter and husband could decorate.

Can I tell you that she showed me some really nice houses there? Absolutely beautiful. Then we went to the mall to do some girl bonding. That is when things really changed.

She and I actually talked, heart to heart like we never had before. It was wonderful. We both revealed that we were experiencing the exact same issues with our men! I so wish I could tell The Analyst that he is not alone in his issues but that would just prove to embarrass him and I refuse to do that. We all know how fragile the male ego is.

I feel closer to her then I ever had before. This was the best ATL trip I have taken thus far.

Did you all enjoy your weekends? Tell me all about it.

A Statue Cussed me out!

Okay, I mentioned before in a previous blog about a trip I made to New Orleans. I really love that place. The music, the food, the energy just everything. I haven't been since the hurricane so I am not sure how New Orleans is now. I'm sure much different then on my visit.

Apparently, like many cities, New Orleans has a large poor population. People trying to make ends meet the best they can. Since it's a huge tourist site it stands to reason that you will see a vast number of street vendors and performers. You know how it works, they perfom, you applaud and give them a cash tip as an appreciation. No problem. My party and I were walking along the waterfront minding our own business. There was this guy painted in all silver. His appearance and poses were strikingly close to those of a statue. Hell, if you weren't paying attention you'd swear dude WAS a statue.

Anyway, as we were walking we noticed this guy and stopped for a second to see him make his poses. It was quite entertaining. We stood there for a few moments and proceeded on our way.

Why did we hear, "Oh, so you not gonna leave a tip?" Huh!!!?? I turned around to see who said that. "So you not gonna tip me?" I looked at the guy and he's now looking at us. I'm in total shock because I've never been extorted for a tip before so I was taken aback.

Our stunned silence wasn't enough for him. He proceeded to say, "See that's what's wrong with these people these days. You come down here but you don't wanna give up no money."

Get the hell outta here. He is actually catching a major tude over our not tipping. We were just walking by. I opened my mouth to ask the guy what the fuck was his problem when my friend looked at me, saw my mouth open and immediately grabbed my arrm and dragged me off.

That pathetic street performer pissed me off. How are you gonna extort a tip from passers by on the street!!?

Geesh! Dude almost got his ass whooped! LOL

One Interesting Trip!

I love to travel. I must say that I have been very fortunate enough to have traveled to 27 states in the United States including Hawaii, Canada and the Bahamas. There are sooo many other places that I would love to see that I have not like London, China, Jamaica, Paris, Australia to name a few. I’m going to tell you about one trip in particular I took a few years ago to New Orleans, LA.

My gal pal “Y” called me up one day and asked if I wanted to get away for awhile. Well is the sky blue? Hell yeah! So she suggested we go to New Orleans during Memorial Day weekend. I was totally game for it so we booked our tickets and hotel and off we went.

We were two fun loving girls on vacation so there was no restriction on what we would do that weekend. We partied so hard and ate our hearts out on the wonderful cuisine, it was amazing.

On one of our excursions on Bourbon Street, we were bar hopping going from one bar to the next. It was great. For those of you who may not know, Bourbon Street is the Mecca; the epicenter of all that is New Orleans! lol It is the heart of the French quarter. Every restaurant, bar and hotel you could need or want is right there! I hadn’t been so I was just soaking up everything and having a fabulous time.

I walked into this one bar and began looking around. I didn’t know what it was but I was getting a really weird vibe from this place. I looked from one side to the other. Mind you I was still standing at the front door so I hadn’t gone anywhere but I was letting my eyes travel over every nook and cranny.

I looked at the bar and noticed there was this naked guy dancing on the bar. Cool!!!!! I get some entertainment!!!! YEAAAYYYY!!!! Then I looked a little closer. There were no women in this place. I noticed there was nothing but men surrounding the stage. ‘Hmmmmmm, how peculiar’ I thought. Then I witnessed one guy reach up and stroke this guy’s penis!! AND HE LET HIM!!! The more I looked around I began to realize, this was a GAY BAR!!! Can I tell you I ascertained all of this within 35 seconds? Meanwhile “Y” hadn’t noticed anything and was proceeding to the back to the bar. I screamed so loud, “Y come on!! Let’s get out of here! We are in the wrong place!” She turned around and saw me bolt out of the door and followed.

As we ran out onto the street a tall transvestite almost knocked us over and almost lost his wig in the process! I told my gal pal through fights of hysterical laughter, “What in the world have we gotten ourselves into?!”

LOL