Ladies We Can Hang it Up

Ladies, come here. Let me talk to you for a minute. Do you all know what day it is today? Today is the day the new Madden 2011 comes out. Do you know what that means. We will not see our men for the next 5 months.

There will be no conversations, no dates, no eye contact, just nose picking, farts, scratching and grunts in our general direction when we ask a question. "Honey, where did you put those keys?" "Grrrruuuuuuhhhhh."

Yeah, this is going to be fun.

How Do You Handle A Break Up?

We've all been there. Whether we are the dumpee or the dumper, we have all experienced the end of a relationship. The uncomfortable "It's not you it's me" conversation. The tears and pleas to stay together. It often times is quite messy. How do you handle the aftermath of a break up? Does it depend on how messy the break up is?

For me, it doesn't matter how amicable the break up is, after we are done, we are done. I don't want any phone calls or emails or any of that. Forget you even know my name when we break up. Especially if you broke up with me. I don't want to hear about your new woman and how great she is and how you are planning on marrying her. Yeah, that doesn't hurt much.

If I was the dumpee I still don't want to be friends with the guy because inevitably he will always think he can inch his way back in. Always. Uuuhhh, no. I don't want to be your friend.

So, what's your take on ending a relationship? Can you be friends or no?

When Is It Safe To Show The Crazy?

I have been thinking about this the last couple of days and have not been able to come up with an answer so I thought I would bring this to you, my blog peeps.

When do you think it’s safe to show your “want to be mate” your crazy? Let’s face it people, we all have some crazy that we keep at bay most of the time. Some of us are better at it then others so you’d never think they had any crazy but I’m here to tell you my friend, we all have a little crazy going on.

Case in point, you meet a really nice guy or girl and the chemistry is off the charts and you are both enjoying each others company then after that, no call. Days go by, no call. You leave a message, it’s not returned. Now in your head, you are a little crazy. Do you let it show and if so how much? Do you call him or her 15 more times until they pick up? Do you email 121 times until they respond? Do you drive by their house until you spot their car then run up on their door and bang like you are the police? These are all things that you have thought about but how much is too much to show?

When you finally get this evading person on the phone do you act all cool like you didn’t just call them 200 times or do you go right into the crazy and hit them with a barrage of questions like, why haven’t you called? I thought we had something didn’t you? What’s wrong with me? What did I do? Am I too short, tall, light, dark, blonde, brunette…etc? I know we only had the one date but didn’t you feel IT?

I’m just asking. Doing research you know.

Things Women Don't Understand About Men

Men and women have been trying since the beginning of time to figure each other out. Our wants and needs are so different. For example: he wants to go to bar with the guys but she wants to have cuddle time on the sofa. If he does go to the bar then he doesn’t love her. He doesn’t call her after they have sex because he doesn’t want to be perceived as clingy but she thinks he doesn’t like her and will never call again. He wants to sit on the sofa and watch the game on Sunday afternoon but she wants to go out to a movie and don't understand why he can't give up the game just this once.

It can be quite confusing and frustrating to say the least trying to decipher all these mixed messages. There are things that I as a woman just don’t understand about men. Here’s my list of issues I just don’t understand.

1. Why do you need to spit on the ground? That’s nasty and a turn off and it’s crude. Spit in a napkin if necessary.

2. Why do you try to sleep with a woman 1.5 hours after meeting her?

3. Why do you keep calling me wanting to come over my house but we’ve never been on a date. What ever happened to dating guys?

4. We’ve gone on one date and you are already asking me when I am going to spend the night at your house.

5. Why do you guys act really interested in a woman then do an abrupt about face and cease all contact immediately with out any explanation or warning? We’re sitting there wondering what the hell just happened.

6. Why are you with a woman for 8 years and never have any intention on marrying her but you stick with her anyway?

7. Why do you think lying about any sticky situation is the right way to go?

8. Why would you cheat with my sister or best friend just because she offered?

9. Why are you 40 years old and live with your parents and do not own a car?

10. Why would you think calling me after we had sex would make you look clingy or desperate?

11. Why if everything seems great between us you still run for the hills with no explanation?

12. Why if I hadn’t spoken to you in months or years you pull my number out of your ass and text me for no reason?

13. Why do you come back then leave again then come back then leave again the come back….? What is that?

Feel free to add your own quandary in the comments.

Love Don't Live Here Anymore

I was reading my blogging pal's post the other day, Falling Out Of Love , and it got me to thinking about how I handle break ups.

Karen, in her post, says she holds on for dear life. I, on the other hand, tend to walk away and not look back.

I noticed that after the demise of every relationship, once it's over...it's over. I don't want to be friends, hell I don't even want to talk to you anymore. What would be the purpose? I have enough friends and I don't necessarily need to add you.

Part of the reason is quite selfish I might add. I don't want to go through hearing about his next girlfriend or seeing them out. For that main reason I just cut off all ties.

It's also a respect thing because if I am in a new relationship I don't need some ex hanging around and I'd expect that same level of respect from my s/o.

How do you handle the demise of a relationship? Do you hold on until you can't any more? Do you still attempt a friendship? Do you just cut all ties and move on quickly like me?

Thwarted Love

I was reading a fellow bloggers post today and she was talking about past loves and it got me to thinking about mine. It got me to thinking about Bernard Mackey and James Stewart.

Those two were the loves of my life. They were the air I breathed. They were my first thoughts when I awoke in the morning and the last thought when I laid my head on my pillow at night. They were my everything……when I was in the 5th grade.

See, I hear the scoffs of you non believers but trust me, our love was real. Well, maybe just my love. They really didn’t know my name, but that is beside the point. It didn’t mean our love was any less meaningful.

We left 5th grade, had different homerooms and somehow lost track of each other.

It’s sad really. I strongly feel that if I were able to muster up enough confidence to tell them how I felt, one of them would be my husband now and my pesky 2 year marriage 13 years ago would never have happened. I’m sure of it. A 32 year love affair thwarted.

Bernard or James, if either of you are reading this, call me.

You know what, I changed my mind. Bernard looked back then as if he'd wind up in prison someday so scratch him. James, it's just you and me baby.

A Question For The Men

Men, during sex, would you like it if your woman called you "Daddy"during the act? How does that make you feel?

I was reading an article on talking dirty during sex that another blogger posted on her page (She's a real freak but that's beside the point. lol) and it mentioned calling your man "Daddy".

I've never called any of my boyfriends "Daddy". It just never occured to me. It just seemed wierd to me that I would yell out "Oh Daddy!" during sex. I've also wondered if men felt wierd sexing up some chick that's calling him "Daddy".

I know for some its a turn on but I want to know how the majority of the men feel about this. Do you like some woman whispering "Oh yeah Daddy" in your ear during sex?

Women, have you had men that actually got off on you calling him "Daddy"?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Open Your Eyes

Renewing of wedding vows should be a meaningful event …….right? It’s pretty significant right?

Well, a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine and her husband decided to renew their marriage vows in church on a Sunday. Several of us (friends and family) gathered at this church to witness this event and to lend our support.

Let’s backtrack a minute shall we? About 7 ½ years ago hubby (we’ll call him Dumbass) cheated on his wife and tore their family apart. They have two children and have been married for 11 years at that point. The wife (we’ll call her Clueless) was so devastated by Dumbass’s indiscretion that she put him out of the house. He eventually moved in with the bimbo he cheated with. For the next three years Clueless and Dumbass were apart but communicating for the sake of the kids. Clueless never stopped wanted to reunite her family. Dumbass didn’t really seem all that interested in coming back into the family fold. He seemed quite happy with Bimbo.

Well, as fate would have it, Dumbass fell ill. He had a minor stroke. See how fate and karma work? Anyway, Clueless sees this as her golden opportunity to take her wifely duties to heart and reunite the family at the same time by bringing Dumbass back into the home and caring for him during his recovery.

It’s now been four years since they’ve been reunited and from the outside things look fine between them. He’s fully recovered and has since commenced to working two jobs to keep the family afloat while Clueless stays at home and runs a small daycare that really is not bringing in much money.

Its recently come to light that Dumbass is back out there cheating again. With not one woman but THREE different women now. His DUMBASS told a close friend of the both of them about these three women. This friend is conflicted because he really likes Clueless but doesn’t want to hurt her.

It is my firm belief that we women KNOW when our men are out there cheating whether we what to acknowledge it or not. We know. I knew when my husband was cheating. Clueless knows too. She told a mutual friend of ours that she had a dream that Dumbass was cheating on her again but she brushed it off as nothing more then a dream. Yeah….ok.

Anyway, fast forward to this marriage vow renewal ceremony. We are all gathered to witness these couples renew their marriage vows before God, friends and family. I am sitting next to my girlfriend T (we’ll call her Crazy because she cracks me up ALL the time! Lol) Anyway, so Crazy and I are sitting there together and we keep giving each other the side glances because we know this whole thing is a farce. The Priest tells the men to repeat after him, “I promise to love, honor and be faithful…” SCREECH!!!! Stop the presses. Dumbass looks his wife straight in the eye and says those very words with a straight face! Wow! Then for dramatic purposes he begins to tear up. Yeah…right.

Crazy and I just side glance each other and nearly bust a gut trying NOT to burst out laughing hysterically.

The whole service lasted 3 hours!!!! I was out done. Crazy leans in to me and says, “I’m gonna pray this man shuts up.” She then leans up close to the pew in front of her and puts her hands together as if to pray and then says, “Lord, please stop….” That was it. I turned away from her and just cracked up laughing. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The woman in front of us turned around and scowled at us as if to say “Shut the hell up!” then turned back around. Crazy almost got us thrown out of church!!!

It was planned days prior that after church we’d all go out to dinner at a local restaurant. Why did Dumbass all of a sudden become too tired to attend the dinner? Hmmm…yeah…ok.

At dinner Clueless says, “Did you all notice that Dumbass started crying in church?” Crazy and I look at her and simply say, “Yep.” Clueless says, “Dumbass is going through some thing. I don’t know what but he’ll work it out.” Hmmm…could it be that he was feeling guilty for lying in church in front of GOD?! Could it be he promised to be faithful but he doesn’t know the meaning of the word?

Crazy and I just look with blank stares. You know what the hell your husband is going through. You just don’t want to face it again.

Rules of Engagement

Ok, how many of you are familiar with the term “Maintenance Man”? Hmmmmm? Well for those of you that are not let me explain. A Maintenance Man is some one that a woman gets together with occasionally while she is in between relationships for the sole purpose of having hot, steamy sex.

When you have this type of relationship there are definitely ground rules that must be adhered to. Before we go any further let me explain something to you. Most of you, I am sure, are aware of the term “Fuck Buddy.” You are probably thinking, “Well Diva, isn’t that the same thing?” Well au contraire my dear. There is a distinct difference. A Fuck Buddy (Who we will refer to as FB) is someone you know, an actual friend, if you will. You may even have had a relationship with this person in the past.

A Maintenance Man (Who we will refer to as MM) is someone that you do not know very well. Some one you are acquainted with but not really friends at all. You have a physical chemistry and want to explore that.

Most women become involved with the MM or FB until Mr. Right comes along. We women have our needs too just like men and we need to have them taken care of just like men.

Some people can embark on these types of relationships with no problem. For others, however, this arrangement is not for them. The reason why are varied but have a lot to do with the afore mentioned rules. Here are some of the rules that are involved with an MM or FB:

• No one can get emotionally attached whatsoever. Screw your brains out then keep it moving.
• There are to be no demands on anyone’s time. You get in where you fit in.
• There are no “dates” or vacations.
• There is no talk of the future.

These are just SOME of the rules involved. I’m sure some of you could come up with you own rules to add.

My question to you is how do you feel about this type of arrangement? Have you gotten involved in this type of relationship? If so, how did it work for you?

Me personally, I could never embark on such an arrangement. I am the type of woman that must have an emotional connection with the person I am with. I would eventually start to develop feelings or worse yet, start to feel used.

What’s your thoughts?

Another Year Is Here

I truly hope you all ushered in 2008 in fantastic form. I hope you all had a great time and were safe. I can't believe we are already into a brand new year. A brand new year means a brand new lease on life.

I've decided to do something that I have never done before during this time of year. Make a list of goals I want to accomplish in 2008. I think that will keep me focused. Something to really work toward.

It may sound strange but I am actually looking forward to making my list of goals. It's weird.

Do you guys make a list of goals you want to accomplish in any given year? How many of your goals do you actually accomplish?

As for The Analyst and I, we are in this weird gray area. I want him gone from my home like NOW so that I can begin the healing process. It's like one minute we are total strangers passing each other in the house without uttering one single word to each other then the next minute he is trying to joke with me and calling me "Babe" and other things. It's really tugging at me and confusing me and I really need him to leave. We sleep in the same bed and neither one of us has a desire to touch the other. It's really weird. I had promised him that I would give him enough time to find alternative living arrangements and I will not renege on that but it is hard for me.

Man I need strength. This is not easy at all.

My Perfect Day

Here in the Baltimore area, the weather was SPECTACULAR this past weekend! Absolutely beautiful. Mr. Construction and I decided to have a little picnic in the park. I went to the store and gathered all of the materials we would need. Brought them home and arranged them nicely in a basket. Mr. Construction arrived and we were on our way.

We found the most perfect spot for a picnic and set up camp there. I was charged with bringing the music and cd player as well so we had some awesome music.

The whole experience was wonderful. We connected on a level we hadn’t up to that point.

I’ve come to realize that he is a very cautious guy. He is slow and meticulous and takes his time as not to get hurt. I can understand and respect that. Let me tell you though that the way this man looks at me, the way he kisses me and the way he touches me tells me far more then his words ever could.

He is falling for me and he is trying really hard to slow it down but he can not. He constantly tells me he really likes me. He asks me numerous relationship questions trying gauge how I conduct myself and react to my partner when I’m in a relationship. He tells me all the time how he wants to spend so much more time with me. He even asked me last night if I would like to meet his family one of these days of course after telling me once again how much he enjoyed our time together at the picnic.

Yep….this guy has been bitten. No denying that. I’m just sitting back and enjoying this.

The Manager is still around but I’m not sure for how long. Even though Mr. Construction and I are getting closer, The Manager just doesn’t seem to be in a place right now in his life where he can devote time to a relationship. I see that so clearly now. I am thinking I need to let him go really soon.

I’m leery about that because I have had many “false starts”. You all know what I mean…..things are wonderfully delicious in the beginning of a budding relationship. You both are bringing your best representative to the party and you start to think this could be the one then 4 months later you are let down and disappointed when the “real” person decides to show up.

The Analyst still calls. He got a new job which I am really glad for him. His previous job really took him for a loop which was a huge problem between us. I hope he finds happiness soon.

I’m not sure where this ride will lead me too but I will just sit back and enjoy it.

Two different languages

When it comes to relationships why do men and women speak two different languages? We women speak from emotion and the heart and men speak from their dicks and their heads. It’s a sad but true fact. It’s a wonder that with this communication gap we ever get together much less understand each other.

Men, we women are not very difficult to understand or please. We want you to make us feel important. Wanted. Loved. Desired. Protected. A simple gesture can accomplish that. Try calling your woman in the middle of the day just to say “Honey I miss you and needed to hear your voice.” Do you realize how far that will take you?!!! We can live off that call alone for a month! We are not that complex. Men, grab her by the lower waist and pull her close to you and kiss her like you want to rip her clothes off then walk out the door and head to work.

Men, if we feel loved, desired and secure you would be surprised at what we would be willing to do for you. It puts us in a mode of wanting to do anything we can to please you. We would be the most pleasant creatures to be around.

As long as we know you love us we will stick with you through your long ass prison stint! (some of us anyway! hahaha) Seriously, if things are rough and rocky, man, we’d be right by your side trying to help you steady that boat.

When things get rough we want to support and nurture and communicate. What do you men do when things get rough, you crawl into your shell and become emotionally distant. You become moody and difficult to deal with. You push us so far to the side that we feel we no longer matter. We begin to feel that we are unwanted and undesirable.

Men, listen very closely to your woman when she is expressing these feelings because once she feels this way she is then going to open the door for another person to make her feel loved and desirable. Once this happens, there is no going back.

This is where I find myself these days.

There is nothing wrong with you

Oh my dear friend, I heard your plight. You are a beautiful, desirable woman. You have very womanly needs and wants. I feel your pain of not being able to enjoy the splendor of intimacy that most men and women enjoy.

I see that you are blaming yourself but please don’t. Even though most men and women enjoy the closeness that two people share in the privacy behind closed doors, those very grown up times, you are not alone in not wanting the same. There are many others just like you that cringe at the thought of having that man who loves you touch you in the most loving way possible. Maybe you are afraid he doesn’t really love you. Maybe you have never been loved before.

Truth be told, most men have absolutely no clue how to love a woman. They have no idea how to touch and caress us. A simple look and caress can be the hottest thing two people can share.

Maybe the men in your life had no idea that the mere sound of their voice could send shivers through your body.

Most men think pounding away inside you should do the trick and feel quite angry and put off when they realize it doesn’t.

My friend, you need so much more. You feel because you have not experienced the gentle love of a man that something is wrong with you but you must realize nothing is further from the truth.

My friend, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone.