Bittersweet Holiday

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday this week. I was off from work for a few days so its tough getting back to my routine. These few days off sure did go by fast! UGH! Oh well.

Christmas for me was bittersweet. It was busy in that I cooked the entire meal and hosted my family over at my house. For all of you that have hosted parties or gatherings you know what an undertaking that really is. Anyway, the meal came out really good. I was pleased about that. Everyone seemed to have had a really good time.

The holiday would have been perfect except The Analyst and I got into a huge fight. We have been fighting on and off for the last two weeks. It really sucks. I think we are pretty much over. How much does that suck to break up with your boyfriend on Christmas? That really blows.

It’s really hard this time because I really believed things would be different this go around. I believed he really wanted this relationship but we are not meant to be I don’t think. He is just too bitchy and whiny for me. All I get from him is bitching. He is truly worst then a woman.

We’ll see how this whole thing pans out. I want him out of my house because it is too painful to have to deal with him everyday. His attitude about things just tends to piss me off and I am constantly floating from anger to sadness to frustration to hopeful. He is confusing me by trying to be playful with me and still wanting to spend New Years together. How can I begin to put him behind me if he keeps doing this?

I wish I had never let him back into my life. I feel really foolish for believing in him again.

To top things off The Manager started texting me yesterday with a happy holiday wish. We talked on the phone for a little while and he claims he was going through a lot which caused him to disappear. He talked about how he missed me, yada, yada, yada. I am not sure of his real motive here. Why contact me now?

Men are the most irritating, frustrating creatures on this earth!!!

Oh Yeah Baby!!!

If I was a guy I'd have a hard on right now!!! I CAN"T WAIT!!!

Decisions

Have you ever made a decision only to question it later? I am really beginning to wonder if I made the right decision about something. I think I made a mistake.

I can't really discuss this with friends because they will form their own thoughts and opinions and nothing will change that and if everything works out it will make for a very uncomfortable situation.

I know I am being vague but I'm not really ready to disclose the details as yet. In time.

Suffice to say that I think I will need to make yet another hard decision and soon. Oh man what am I going to do.

I think I need to get out of this situation because it's not working for me. I don't think it ever will and that saddens me on several levels.

Oh well...I have some soul searching to do.

A Clean Slate

I’ve blogged about wanting to move from Baltimore and start fresh somewhere else. I’ve been debating between Atlanta and the Los Angeles area. Well after reviewing the price of apartments on apartments.com I think my decision has been made for me.

Have these people in California lost their damn minds?! I mean really. Paying $2500 to $4000 per month for a 2 bedroom apartment. Get real.

Atlanta is much more reasonable.

So there you have it. Atlanta here I come. I wish I could make this move immediately but I just can’t do that. I could not abandon my mother. So, for that reason I am pretty much stuck here in Baltimore.

Oh well. Trust me when I say this, as soon as it is feasibly possible, I am so out of Maryland it will make your head spin.

Have you ever felt like you just want to drop everything and make a fresh start somewhere else? The thought of a clean slate is so intoxicating.

For some reason this desire is all consuming. I know in my heart of hearts that my time in Baltimore is limited and that is beyond exciting.

Learn Grammar and Spell Check

I, like many of you, read a lot of blogs on any given day. I prefer to read more personal and humorous blogs as oppose to blogs that are more sports or political in nature. It’s just my flavor. As I peruse these blogs I will stumble on a new blog for the first time and I am awe struck at the number of post authors that have absolutely no idea what grammar is. I mean you are reading along and all of a sudden BAM! You are stopped by a word form that you KNOW should not be there. (Ex: “She said we was going too.”) You furrow your brow, scratch your head and ask yourself, “What the hell were you trying to say?” LOL Then I get mad because you have now stopped my flow of reading and I have to regain momentum after I figured out what in the world you were trying to say. LOL

I often find myself correcting this grammar as I read. I substitute the correct word form or misspellings. I can’t help myself. I can’t stand seeing poor grammar and missing or misspelled words. It’s crazy.

Do you find yourself correcting grammar and spelling as you read along? I just think a little proofreading would go along way. I’m just saying.

I want a new family

You know what? I wish the hell I could swap my family in for another one. I am dead serious. Sometimes I really can't stand my family.

My mother is disabled so we have a cleaning service come to clean her house. Mind you, my 34 year old baby brother lives there with his two daughters (9 and 14) and neither of the three of them can keep the house clean. That shit in itself pisses me off but I digress.

We just hired a new service as the previous one was a peice of shit. The new service is really good. They called and gave me a run down on everything they did. It was great.

Well, come to find out, they noticed there was mold on all of the baseboards and my mothers bedroom window was black with mold. That freaked me out because we all know how dangerous and a pain in the ass mold is. Left untreated it will cost THOUSANDS to remove.

I tell my brother to go to the store and get some mold killer and spray around all of the baseboards and moms window. This bastard tells me he'll get to it when he has time and if I am so concerned I need to come out to the house and do the mold removal myself. Bitch YOU live there not me. I told him that then hung up. He so pissed me off. When you moved back into the house to suposedly help mom, that came with responsibility.

I am so ready to just be done with all this and move far...far away from all of their asses.

I Saw Santa

Growing up as a child my siblings and I always believed in Santa Claus. It was a wondrous, joyous time. It was fun looking for signs of Santa everywhere I looked. It was fun trying to rush to sleep even though I wasn’t even close to sleepy just so that I can wake up and have my gifts under the tree because Santa does not visit little girls that are awake.

Obviously there came a time when we realized there was no Santa. Guess what? We survived.

With all this said, I realized that there are many parents that don’t want to thrust that false image onto their child.

My answer to that….You are doing your child a serious disservice. You are taking away the wonderment of the season. We are only children for such a short period of time. We have our whole entire life to understand the cruel, harshness that is the world but why introduce that to children so early.

What is the harm in letting them have that excitement of Santa bringing them toys.

I had a conversation with one “friend” and she said that she didn’t want her children to think some strange man is just going to come in to their house and leave gifts. She wanted them to know that mommy and daddy worked hard for those toys. My thing is, kids will learn soon enough that parents are the ones really purchasing those things. Why take away the magic of the season. I think that is actually a very selfish way to think.

My fondest memories growing up were of wondering what Santa was going to bring me and leaving him Cookies and milk and rushing to sleep just so I could hurry and wake up to find my toys.

And people wonder what is wrong with our kids today. We are not letting them be kids.

There is nothing you could ever say to convince me that taking the belief of Santa away from a child is not a selfish thing to do.

I’m not trying to step on anyone’s toes here but I just feel kids should enjoy everything there is to being a kid while they are kids for the short period of time they are.

If you don't believe how magical this is for a child, my blog buddy Persona Of A Princess writes about the exact same thing!

My Embarrasing Weekend

I hope you all had a great weekend. I had several things on my agenda for this weekend but unfortunately I was not able to finish everything. My weekend started out really nice.

I attended a surprise birthday party of Friday which was really nice. I danced my behind off! It was great. I saw a couple of people I didn't expect to see and that was cool.

Saturday I went to the hairdresser. I was STARVING when I got out of there. I don't know why you have to spend all freaking morning in the darn hair salon. Oh well.... I decided to stop off at one of my favorite quick little spots, Noo.dles & Com.pany. I usually get the Penne Rosa which is divine but I decided to try something new and ordered the Japanese Pan Noodles. I got home and began to eat. It was all good for about 30 minutes when I started to feel a rumbling in my stomach. I just dismissed this as I thought maybe it was a result of my wolfing this food down as if I hadn't had a meal in a year, This "rumbling" continued for the next couple hours. Then the rumbling turned to cramps.

I was practically doubled over. What made this matter worse was that I had to get dressed and attend a holiday party with The Analyst for his job. I managed to get dressed and we made it to the party and all was fine except I continued to feel nauseous the entire evening. I couldn't decide if I had to do a number 2 or if this would be resolved by coming out the over end. I kept going back and forth to the rest room to no avail.

I felt pretty bad for The Analyst as I wasn't my usual jovial, social self since I wasn't feeling up to par. As I was sitting there this overwhelming sensation came over my mouth and I knew what that meant so I ran to the rest room then all of a sudden "BAM" I found relief. Just as this was occurring The Analyst, alarmed that I was gone for so long, sent someone in to check on me. In between heaves I assured her I was OK.

I finally got myself together and was fine the rest of the evening.

How embarrassing to get sick at your boyfriends holiday party.

I was almost Mrs. Prince

Do you remember the first concert you ever attended? The very first one? I sure do, it was way back when…I was in the 11th grade I think, it was me, two of my girlfriends and Prince, The Time and Vanity Six!!!

Yes folks I saw Prince, The Time and Vanity Six live in living color baby!!!! LOL In all honesty it was a fun time. There was a girl in the section next to me that I thought was going to have a heart attack. The poor thing just jumped up and down and screamed and cried. I thought she was going to bust a gasket. LOL

I, on the other hand, was convinced that Prince would spot me waaayyyy up in the balcony and bring me on stage to profess his undying love for me. Shut up it could have happened!!!!

Now that I look back on it, what as the lure of Vanity Six? It had to be Vanity’s beauty because they could not sing a lick nor could they perform. All they did was sway and gyrate on the stage.

Prince and Morris, however, knocked them dead!

There were several men dressed as Prince or Morris….I wonder if they look back at that and cringe from embarrassment! I mean really…..LOL

What was your first concert?

I am really judgmental

For the most part I consider myself a free spirit, non judgmental. I subscribe to the credo “Live and Let Live”. However you live your life is completely up to you with no judgment from me. If you want to sleep around I usually wouldn’t call you a whore. If you where a man and drove an old beat up pick up truck I wouldn’t necessarily consider you a hillbilly redneck.

I, however, have friends that I consider extremely judgmental where others are concerned. They judge their clothes (i.e. “She dresses like a hoochie.”) and lifestyle (i.e. “Why is she sleeping around like that?”) (i.e. “Why would you live with him before marriage?”) and everything else. I actually find it particularly annoying as I feel I can not be my true self around them because I KNOW they would not understand certain aspects of my life and philosophy.

With that said I have recently come to the realization that as accepting as I am I can be a little judgmental myself. As much as I try not to be I find that I do judge sometimes. I wonder if it’s because that’s just my personality or is it that those people sort of “cross the line” of decency? I’m not sure.

I further began to question whether anyone could be truly COMPLETELY free of judgment.

Think about it….I go to the grocery store and see a woman with a pair of daisy duke shorts on with a halter top. I immediately began to judge this woman as loose or classless? I see a man with horn rimmed glasses with his hair slicked back with a pocket protector in his right pocket that is full of pens and high water pants…. I immediately judge him to be a nerd by societal standards?

I try not to judge people but can anyone really be completely non-judgmental? I supposed I am just as judgmental as the next one.